- Bonnie Scott owns Mindful Kindness Counseling in San Antonio.
- She focuses on meeting her basic human needs, like food, water, and connection.
- She builds autonomy while maintaining boundaries.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Bonnie Scott, owner of Mindful Kindness Counseling. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I’ve been a therapist for over a decade and opened my own practice in 2020. It’s normal for me to see an uptick in new patients in January — it’s part of the self-care many of us chase with the New Year.
This year, I haven’t seen more patients than usual, but the ones who have contacted me are more eager to be seen. For a lot of people the world feels overwhelming, and there’s an urgency to their desire to talk with a therapist.
I’m also a mom to a 10-year-old, and I lost my dad in a motorcycle accident in 2024. I know that feeling of life being overwhelming. Here’s how I cope when life feels like a lot.
I focus on the basic five human needs
When clients are overwhelmed, I urge them to really consider what’s sending their nervous system into overdrive. Often, that happens because we’re not meeting our basic human needs. Ask yourself, are you hydrating, eating good food, sleeping, moving your body, and seeing people who love you?
When you’re doing those five things, you can better regulate your nervous system. The world is complex, but our nervous systems are relatively simple. Taking care of your basic needs is actually pretty easy and can make a big difference in your well-being.
Choose to look away
Our brains are hardwired to pay attention to things that feel threatening or frightening. It’s a survival tactic, and it’s automatic. These days that can mean endlessly consuming news that’s scary.
We need to purposefully choose to do the opposite. Put down the phone, play with your dog, or drink a glass of water. These are simple actions, but they don’t come as naturally as doom-scrolling.
These days, if anything major happens, you’re sure to hear about it. A colleague will mention it, or you’ll get a news alert. You have no obligation to check the news constantly.
Build your autonomy
I want all my clients to have autonomy, which I define as being free to make choices that are authentic for them. Even when the world feels out of our control, we have autonomy over some things.
For example, you can choose what you share about yourself and your family. You can create micro-communities around you. I pay attention to local news and look for ways to make a difference in local elections, where I have more influence.
Define your own boundaries
Boundaries are very important but super personal. To decide what boundaries are right, you have to consider yourself, the other person, and your unique relationship. Some boundaries are like an electric fence: hard and shocking. Others are like traffic cones: with more room for discussion and maneuvering. You might allow your grandmother to say something you wouldn’t tolerate from your mom. Only you can decide what boundaries you should have, and there’s no right or wrong answer.
Monitor your consumption, especially in the morning and at night
I never reach for my phone first thing in the morning. I know bad things are happening at night, but I don’t need to know about them first thing in the morning. Instead I have coffee, let my dog out, and drop my daughter at school before checking the news.
I often remind my clients to do the same before bed. If they’re on social media or news sites, their brains aren’t shutting down for the evening.
Curate your social media
If you’re choosing to spend time on social media, make sure it’s making you happy. That means curating the algorithm by interacting with things you want to see more of — even if that’s just Zillow’s latest whacky home listings.
Assume the good
People can be hurtful, but no one is all good or all bad. I teach my daughter to assume that people have good will and to build communities that will take care of her and that she can take care of in return.
