The possibility of a huge promotion for my husband and living in a vacation destination got our family talking about moving. I was reluctant, but willing to roll the dice and see what happened.
To my surprise, just a few months later, my husband was offered his dream job 150 miles away. My heart sank. While my brain said “Yes” to moving our family away from my favorite house we’d ever owned, and the city where we’d raised all three of our kids, my spirit quietly rebelled. Were we making the right choice?
In January 2023, my family and I packed up our belongings and moved from Riverside, California, to Santa Barbara. With our daughters still in high school and our son starting college, it didn’t seem like an ideal time to move. Extended family members lived in San Diego (now five hours away instead of one), and we also said goodbye to twenty years of friendships.
My kids chose different paths
Before we moved, our youngest daughter was a junior in high school, loving her choir program. While packing up and house-hunting we decided that switching to home-based schooling would work best for her during the transition. A few months later, she bravely enrolled at her new high school. Instead of choir — she got into gardening and culinary activities. Then after graduation, she transitioned into a professional culinary program.
Meanwhile, our middle daughter was a senior in high school with several AP credits, so she decided to graduate one semester early when we moved. Starting at our local city college turned out to be an excellent bridge for her first year of college away from home the following semester. She also worked at our local zoo, which allowed her to meet other young adults.
For our son, it seemed like the move a bit more disorienting with limited visits to his new “home” in Santa Barbara. With an established friend-base at college, we encouraged him to invite his roommates and girlfriend to stay with us on breaks. This allowed him opportunities to discover new beaches and coffee shops with friends so he was eventually able to feel comfortable here.
Courtesy of Dianne Bright
I had to put myself out there
Getting connected to our new community didn’t happen overnight for me.
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While it seemed like my husband adjusted instantly, I struggled to find my new normal, which included rewatching “Psych” — which is set in Santa Barbara — a lot. I also organized our new home, jogged on the beach, and kayaked at the harbor — all on my own. But eventually, I knew I had to step out of my comfort zone and make connections.
Over time, I joined a book club, a paddling club, a wine club, and a moms’ prayer group. I also got connected with a few sustainability organizations in the area. I frequented our farmers’ market, got my new library card, and eventually found an amazing apolitical church to join.
Today, I’m happy we made the move to Santa Barbara
We adopted two adorable kittens from our local animal shelter in November 2023. And though we downsized our space by half, we are living more simply and sustainably now.
Courtesy of Dianne Bright
With numerous hiking trails and beaches nearby, being active is part of our daily routine. And the abundance of galleries, theaters, and eateries has caused us to focus on experiences instead of stuff.
Moving with older kids might not be the best fit for everyone. It took over a year for Santa Barbara to start feeling like home. But two-and-a-half years after moving, we are genuinely happy — still missing old friends, but grateful for new ones we’ve made.
