Hilary Duff, 38, says she walked away from her first marriage because she didn’t want to sacrifice her own happiness — even as a young mom.
On Wednesday’s episode of “Call Her Daddy,” the “Lizzie McGuire” star spoke about navigating a divorce in her late 20s and how motherhood shaped her approach.
Duff split from her first husband, Mike Comrie, in 2015. They share a son, Luca, who was born in 2012.
“I knew from my parents’ divorce that I was going to show my kid that you’ve got to fight for your happiness. And I knew that it was going to be better to do it when he was younger than it was going to be when he was five and aware, or eight and aware,” Duff told podcast host Alex Cooper.
Duff added that kids can sometimes blame themselves when their parents’ marriage doesn’t work out.
“I was like, if Luca cannot remember this and have two lives that exist that he can be happy in and feel secure in, I think we’re winning,” she said.
Duff said therapy was essential in helping her process the end of her marriage, and ultimately, the experience taught her to stand up for herself.
“You’ve got to fight for yourself, and it doesn’t matter that you have kids. Your kids are going to be OK. You know what I mean? You just have to show them that you also matter,” Duff said.
As a parent, it’s easy to lose yourself in your child and feel like their needs should outweigh your own, she said. But she added it was also “important” not to let that be the deciding factor in whether she stayed in an unhappy marriage.
Duff added that mom guilt can sometimes overshadow her own feelings.
“There’s this part of your brain where you’re like, ‘Yeah, I’m still in here, and I’m still me,’ and then there’s this huge shadow over it that’s like, ‘But everything for the family and everything for your kid,'” she said.
Duff added that finding balance between motherhood and her own identity is something she has to work at.
“It’s a constant conversation to choose yourself and choose something you know that you enjoy outside of family life and kids,” she said.
In 2019, Duff married Matthew Koma, and the couple has three daughters.
Duff isn’t the only celebrity who has spoken about navigating divorce with kids.
In a 2022 podcast appearance, Kim Kardashian said she tries to protect Ye, formerly known as Kanye West, in the “eyes of my kids, for my kids.”
“One day my kids will thank me for not sitting here and bashing their dad when I could. They’ll thank me and I’ll privately answer anything that they want to know. But it’s not my place anymore to jump in,” she said.
In February, Miranda Kerr said choosing forgiveness helped her co-parent peacefully with her ex, Orlando Bloom.
“When you have a child with someone else, they’re always going to be that person’s parent for the rest of their life. There are going to be situations where you’re going to need to talk if you like it or not. So why not make it harmonious?” Kerr said.
