This interview is based on a conversation with Emily Susman, 42, a chef and cookbook author from Tulsa, Oklahoma. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I don’t blame anyone else for my alcoholism — it was all on me — but I grew up in a family where beer, wine, and liquor were part of the culture.
I’m half Lebanese, and every holiday and other social occasion centered on eating and drinking.
At 14, my grandfather handed me a vodka and tonic and said, “This is the way to drink responsibly, surrounded by your family in the safety of home.”
I dealt with stress by reaching for the bottle
In college, I joined a sorority where we partied hard. During rush season, our older sisters presented us with bottles of hard liquor covered with ribbons.
I was never far away from alcohol, whether I was working for my uncle as a bartender or establishing my own successful restaurant and catering firm in Dallas in my thirties.
But the bad habits really set in after I sold the business and started working with my husband, Drake, 43, at his gas-and-oil brokerage. I was in charge of the books and dealt with the ongoing financial stress by reaching for the bottle.
Courtesy of Emily Susman.
It got to the point where I was getting through a large bottle of vodka every few days. I’d hide the evidence in the pantry because I didn’t want Drake to see how often it was happening.
I’d use any excuse to drink, whether it was to celebrate the good times or commiserate with myself when something went wrong.
The tell-tale signs were there. I was overweight from all the wasted calories and my habit of eating more when I was drunk. I’d experience crushing hangovers, get the shakes, and vomit the morning after.
My family started to get on my case. “This is a problem for you,” they would say. “You need to get your act together.” Every time, I’d make an excuse. I’ll tell them that I’d cut down after Thanksgiving or give up entirely on New Year’s Day.
I tried fad diets and didn’t exercise
Inevitably, I’d be back drinking by Blake’s birthday in the middle of January.
Things got even worse when the pandemic began in March 2020. I was often confined to the house and passed the time drinking. I disregarded the needs of my body by not exercising and trying fad diets that weren’t sustainable.
Then, a month into 2021, I awoke from a particularly bad episode and stared at myself in the mirror. At 5ft 8in, I was 230 pounds and a size 16. I bawled my eyes out because I was so miserable.
Courtesy of Emily Susman
Something changed. I came downstairs and said to Blake, “I can’t do this anymore.” I sought therapy and had my last drink in early February.
I realized the all-or-nothing approach that fueled my alcoholism could be redirected to something positive.
It was a simple process without frills. I took pride in reaching each milestone: five days, then 30 days, then 120 days, and so on.
My weight-loss journey was slow and steady
Distractions made all the difference, whether I was using adult coloring books, painting with acrylics, or even sucking on lollipops when I craved sugar or the oral fixation of drinking.
Best of all, I reignited my love of cooking. I relied on my professional culinary background to make nutritious, balanced meals, which broke the cycle of binge-eating, restricting, and guilt.
My sensible diet, combined with simple exercises such as walking and strength training, helped me lose 100 pounds. I did it slowly and surely — losing around one pound a week — and now weigh 126 pounds.
Courtesy of Emily Susman.
I’m a size zero to two and no longer hide my figure in baggy clothing. I’ve been sober for five years.
Another benefit is the amount of money I’ve saved. I found an app that took my average spending on alcohol of $30 a day to calculate that I’ve saved nearly $55,500 since 2021.
Meanwhile, I launched my company, Emma Claire’s Kitchen, the same year I got sober. It offers practical, tasty recipes and products, such as spices and, soon, mocktail powders.
I’m so grateful to my husband and my family
I’m a completely different person from the wreck I saw in the mirror that terrible morning. I love and value myself and am so grateful to Blake and the rest of my family for staying by my side.
It’s scary to think that I nearly lost everything — including my life — to alcohol. I’ll never go back to what passed as an existence, just getting through the day.
I have a bright future ahead of me now.
