I hear the question often: “Mom, can I have some money?” Whether it is for a trip to the mall or movies, my kids always seem to want more. I have four kids, two daughters and two sons. My older son, Zach, is 21; my older daughter, Cam, is 19; my younger daughter, Kyle, is 15; and my younger son, Brooks, is 13.
Over time, getting them cash (though, let’s be real, we rarely use actual cash anymore) has become much easier — and that ease has changed how I think about money.
Getting money when I was a kid meant planning
When I was growing up, if we needed money, we planned ahead. Debit and credit cards weren’t even widely used or accepted in the early 90s — people more commonly paid with checks or cash. I remember planning for Saturday trips to the mall at least a week in advance. The grandparents who raised me actually had to go to the bank, fill out a withdrawal slip, and hand it to the teller, who then checked their account and handed them the cash.
They also had to bank during the bank’s hours of operation. This was no easy feat as they both held full-time jobs. Often, this meant running an errand on a lunch break from work. The whole process was laborious.
This meant we had to also plan our strategy for asking for money in the first place. I would time my request strategically to increase the chances of securing funds. This meant asking at opportune times, such as when they were getting ready for bed and too tired to think much. I remember promising to do everything from cleaning the bathroom to wiping down all of the tile in the kitchen for a few dollars to spend at the mall food court.
The adage, “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail,” rang especially true when I needed to secure money for a teenage adventure.
Things changed a bit with my older kids, but not by much
Originally, the process worked the same when I was parenting my older kids, who are now 21 and 19. There was one exception: their requests didn’t take as much planning. If the bank was closed, I could head to the ATM, which was open 24 hours a day. However, I still had to make time for the trip, fitting it in when I was out or making a separate trip. Even then, getting money still took effort.
When my older daughter reached her late teens, she opened a bank account, and I could transfer money to her account because it was linked to mine. She also had Venmo, so I got the app and could send money that way. This simplified life for both of us.
Getting money is much easier now, which isn’t always a good thing
Now, my youngest kids, 15 and 13, don’t even need a bank account to request money over the phone. My younger daughter requests a certain amount of money with the click of a button, and I can send her what she needs. I can also adjust the amount. This allows for shrewd negotiations and discussions around the cost of things. She’ll ask for $10; I’ll talk her down to $5.
This, like many aspects of raising teenagers, is both a blessing and a curse. While I no longer have to schlep to the bank every time my kids make a request, they can ask and receive money at any time for any amount. It is too easy. $3 here, $5 there, and it’s easy to lose track unless you really pay attention. That convenience is part of the problem.
While my kids do not get an allowance, they can ask for money for specific chores. We negotiate via phone or text. They will do certain jobs, like walking the dog, mowing the lawn, or cleaning a specific part of the house. I’ve also taken the opportunity to help my kids figure out what’s really important to them, and how to negotiate and compromise. These are skills that they will need in life.
It has also allowed us to talk more openly about money than I was able to with my grandparents. I want them to know that we have limited funds and what that means — that they cannot always get the things they want. When money is so easy to get at the click of a button, they often don’t realize how hard it is to make. Like everything in life, the differences between my generation and theirs aren’t always easy to navigate. With honest conversations and a few small bumps along the way, we are figuring it out, though.
