Think raising one teenager is difficult?
Imagine living with five. That’s where I’ll be in two years’ time when my youngest two join their older siblings in the dreaded teenage years.
But you know what? I’m looking forward to it more than you’d think.
Teens get a bad rap
I get it. Teenagers have a bad reputation, and raising them can be challenging. But stand by for a controversial opinion: living with teens can also be a lot of fun.
Yes, I’ll probably never be able to buy enough snacks to satisfy them, and I don’t doubt I’ll be removing more than my share of festering food bowls from stinky rooms.
Courtesy of Gillian Harvey.
I also expect my fair share of teenage boundary pushing as my kids begin to morph into the adults they’ll become.
My kids already have moments where they find constant fault with their mom, everything from my cooking to the standard of my cleaning (this from kids who use an entire room as a floordrobe). Oh, and I’m officially “so embarrassing.”
There’s a good side to raising teens, too
Alongside the hair-tearing (mine) and the complaining (theirs), the excessive eating and reluctance to do homework, there’s quite a lot of joy to be found in raising teens.
Take my daughter, for example. Two years ago, she pretty much hated everything about me. But at 16, she’s emerged from her hormonal chrysalis and become a lovely young woman. We talk, almost as equals. We make each other laugh. I enjoy her company more than I ever thought I would. Even more surprisingly, she now seems to enjoy mine. Her transformation reminds me that despite their prickly exterior, teens still love (and need) their parents.
My 14-year-old boys may still need to develop the skills required to pick up dirty clothes from their bedroom floor, but if I’m having a tough time, they’ll be the first to bring me a drink of water or check that I’m OK.
And while I may not appreciate notes from teachers about late homework, these are offset by the pride I feel when I notice glimpses of the adults my children are becoming: the sudden shifts toward a more diligent way of living; the chats about the future they’re starting to imagine for themselves.
The relief and joy that comes from feeling, just for a second, that you might have got this parenting thing right is immeasurable, if fleeting.
They still drive me crazy at times
Yes, I have to request that music be turned down late at night. I despair over the state of the kitchen after one of them has made a sandwich. It’s hard when you pass them with their mates in the street, and they pretend not to see you.
But all in all, parenting teens is very different from what I’d imagined. Teens in general may not seem lovable, but teenage versions of your own children are surprisingly sweet: you recognize their angst is their way of protecting their vulnerability, meaning when they act up, you experience sympathy and love alongside the annoyance.
Seeing who they are becoming is a huge reward
As they progress toward adulthood, I’ve noticed that my teens have even started to see their parents as people, for better or worse. They appreciate what you do for them a little more, even if they do sometimes point out your failings a little too accurately.
Plus, they’re hilarious. One of my older kids does brilliant impressions of family members, including his father (when he’s not in the room). Their antics can have you in fits of giggles. On a good day, they have an enthusiasm and lust for life that feels infectious.
I’m not saying raising teens isn’t a challenge, and I certainly don’t think it’s for the faint-hearted. But if we’re going to point out the drawbacks, we ought to spare a little room for the things that make it absolutely amazing — and there are plenty of them.
Do you have a hot take on a common parenting belief? Email Jennifer Beck Goldblatt at [email protected] to share your experience with Business Insider.
