As I sit down in the Screencaps lab for yet another edition of this award-winning column, the humidity level is at like 80%, the sun hasn’t been out in five days and it’s expected to rain all weekend here in Ohio.
What’s on the agenda? My dad turned 71 this week, so the plan was to play golf just northwest of Dayton. Based on the wave of rain that continues to pound that area, that’s not going to happen. Have you seen the flooding out in eastern Indiana? Parts of I-70 are buckling due to flooding. Entire roads are washing away.
In other words, dad will have to wait to play birthday golf.
Quick thoughts before the weekend:
• I will be here Sunday for SeanJo. He’ll be off the next week. I think he’s off to chase Bigfoot.
• Today is a big day around here. Screencaps the III starts 4th grade this morning. His elementary school only goes up to 4th grade, which means we’re nine months away from no longer dealing with elementary school pickup lines. It feels like I’ve spent half of my life in lines just to get the kids.
Will I miss it one day? You guys who’ve been through this stage of life can feel free to tell me.
PAIGE SPIRANAC SHARES THE ONE THING A GUY HAS TO BE GOOD AT TO DATE HER, TEBOW PLAYS GO-KART SOCCER & THE NFL
• If you’re the Raiders, you have to start Fernando Mendoza Week One. No choice. He turns 23 in October. It’s not like they selected a 20-year-old who needs to find his footing. This guy is ready to go. Throw him to the wolves.
• Thank you to YouTubeTV for not forcing me to watch the WNBA in multiview like they were doing two years ago. Last night, I had the Bengals, Steelers and Little League baseball on. For this time of year, it was heaven.
• This might be the worst first pitch I’ve seen out of an Internet pop singer. Zhamira Zambrano is Venezuelan. How did she grow up in baseball-crazed Venezuela, which just won the World Baseball Classic, and not learn to paint the outside corner?
Was this worse than 50 Cent’s effort a few years back before a Mets game? Probably not, but Fitty didn’t grow up in Venezuela, where I think you’re supposed to hit 75 on a radar gun before you’re allowed to get a driver’s license.
RAIDERS ROOKIE FERNANDO MENDOZA THANKS GOD FOR AN NFL DEBUT THAT COMPARES FAVORABLY TO ‘MR BRADY’
Venezuelan-American singer-songwriter Zhamira Zambrano poses for a photo before the 2026 World Baseball Classic Pool D game presented by Capital One between Team Netherlands and Team Venezuela at loanDepot park in Miami, Fla., on March 6, 2026. (MLB Photos via Getty Images)
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University of Michigan’s grading system
– Kevin in Toboso, OH emails: So Meatchicken frosh will now only get pass/fail grades their first semester so they feel good about themselves(they already are guilt ridden the couldn’t go to TOSU but I digress.)
College is 90%worthless anymore. It is about your lame travel ball kid “feeling good” about themselves, hiring a professional dorm decorator and travel ball mommy and daddy paying all their expenses.
WTH. Three of my four children have a job, investing in Roths, mutual funds and making their way. One IT (self-taught dropped out of college, one fireman kicking butt on salary and one college grad with zero debt making decent money) Parents of Screencapper youth, think long and hard about the rip-off college is and the expense/debt it causes. Total scam IMO. It is an experience anymore and not an education.
CALIFORNIA PROFESSOR ARGUES NEED FOR ‘OBJECTIVE MEASURES’ AFTER STATE DROPS ACT/SAT REQUIREMENT
meatchicken sucks and this absolutely proves it but I am sure TOSU is analyzing this for the mental well being of their frosh. WTH
Kinsey: It will be the College of Literature, Science and Arts that will not give out letter grades starting during the fall of 2027. Keep in mind, they’re doing this at a college that isn’t exactly easy to get into. So, these students had to have incredible grades to get into Michigan, but the minute they enter, the arts and sciences department tells them they no longer need to worry about grades.
It’s humorous.
Mailbag: How do you know the Wendy’s employees are meth heads?
– Jake might have Wendy’s stock: Re: Your increasingly correct prediction about the future of Wendy’s: Do you know for a fact they hire ex-cons and druggies nationwide, or does something like that happen in just your neck of the woods? I haven’t been to a Wendy’s in a long time, so I don’t know.
Kinsey: I know what I see with my eyes when I go through to get an iced tea after a round of golf. I have no idea if this is the case nationwide, but I know what I’ve seen from the suburbs of Detroit to the suburbs of Dayton, Ohio. That should be enough of a test case for my theory to be taken seriously.
The state of Texas HS football: wet bulb
– ‘Sheriff’ John in Houston emails: Regarding the twitter link this morning. My brother actually lives in Childress and my nieces go to Childress high school. One of those boys in that photo is the oldest’s boyfriend but hell if I can tell which one.
Nonetheless, it reminds me of a minor controversy brewing down here in Texas (mentioned in that tweet). The UIL (or HS sports governing org) issued guidance a couple of weeks ago about wet bulb temps and that basically said, “you can’t practice when it’s hot”. Ridiculous. Totally favors the rich schools with indoor facilities because most school districts don’t have indoor facilities.
Many schools have had to start practicing early in the morning before the sun goes up or they are just waiting until the evening. My son’s school is having “study hall” for two hours after school and then practicing. Again, just ridiculous.
This is almost as silly as the modern rule of, “Even if the sun is out and the sky is clear, if it’s lightning anywhere within 10 miles everyone has to go sit in their car for 30 minutes but who are we kidding, it will be at least an hour until this game starts back up.” Again, just ridiculous.
I don’t mean to go all Grandpa Simpson about “back in my day” but there really are some policies that our betters have decided to foist upon our kids that are making them soft.
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Suburban moms who insist on naming their kids Kolton or Kommander
– Jon in Laurens, SC is back: Thanks for publishing my email in Screencaps this past Tuesday. When I read it in your column I realized it sounded much more serious and less lighthearted that I intended. I apologize for that. Also, I do have a suggestion for your consideration to include in the list of crazy names created by suburban moms. One of my wife’s co-workers named her firstborn son “Commodore”, and that’s what he is known by. No nickname or anything. He’s about 12, I think, and by all accounts is a good kid and a pretty good athlete in several sports. Anyway, maybe “Commodore” is worthy of knocking “Britton” off the list. Thanks for your consideration!
Stop signs
– Doug in Springfield, OH emails: Have to take exception with ‘Sheriff’ John from Houston about stopping at stops signs when there is no traffic.
The saying in farm country down around your old stomping grounds is “stop signs are yield signs, if there is no corn.”
America®
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And that is it this morning. Enjoy the preseason NFL games. Soak it all in. Enjoy those late summer festivals. The county fairs. The tractor pulls. Bowling Green is next week, BTW. Circle your calendars.
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Let’s go have a great weekend and try to stay dry.
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