It felt like the absolute worst time to take a trip. Our son was home from college for the summer, our oldest daughter had just gotten married, and our youngest daughter had graduated from high school and was preparing to leave for college in late August.
Everything in me wanted to soak up every minute I could with my kids.
But a realization has been settling in: My kids are really leaving, and my husband and I will become empty nesters. We need to make our lives a bit more about us again. After more than 20 years of building our lives around our children, shifting our focus back to ourselves feels difficult.
The opportunity to travel came unexpectedly, and even after I made arrangements, I nearly talked myself out of it. But I knew we had to take the trip.
For the first time in decades, I agreed to a trip that wasn’t about our children
We planned a trip to a wellness resort in the heart of the Berkshires.
We would be away for four nights/five days —longer than we’d ever been away without the kids. Whether it was schedules, work, or money, something always came up. This time, we didn’t let things get in the way. I made sure the kids and the dog were taken care of, and we set out to enjoy ourselves.
This trip wouldn’t be a family celebration or on someone else’s schedule. This time, it was just about my husband and me.
Driving away felt exciting and scary
I couldn’t help but wonder if the kids would be OK. I found myself checking Life360 to make sure people made it where they were supposed to be.
Did they feel bad that we were leaving? Would they make good choices? The questions rolled through my mind like a news ticker as we drove through the mountains.
Once we arrived, we headed straight for dinner and made plans for the next few days. We both wanted time to relax and try new things together. A couples massage, a cooking class, and a pickleball lesson all made the list. The rest would unfold one day at a time. It felt good to have a few things planned and a lot of time to figure out the rest together.
Having nearly a week away helped us relax. With meals taken care of, we could simply enjoy ourselves. We took time to think and see how we felt. If we were hungry, we ate. If we wanted fresh air, we went out exploring.
Courtesy of Rebecca Hastings
We filled our days with things we rarely make time for at home. My husband tried fly fishing and archery, while I took a workout class and tried a sound bath. Together, we explored the area and lingered over coffee without worrying about anyone else’s schedule.
As we navigated our days, a familiar feeling rose to the surface
There were some times that felt awkward. When you’re used to a rambunctious table full of kids at every meal, a table for two felt quiet. We sat across from each other and realized we’d forgotten how to have long conversations that weren’t about the kids.
Still, there were quiet moments that felt comfortable. The time together forced us to navigate how to talk about new things, something we will need to do come fall.
We didn’t have to worry about where someone needed to be or when a kid’s sports game started. For the first time in a long time, it was just about us.
It wasn’t the us we used to be; time and 20 years of parenting have changed us. Instead, it was a safe way to test the waters and see how we would handle living our days — just the two of us.
Our time together wasn’t all easy, but we walked through it together
Life will be different when our kids head off to school, but it won’t only be about work and responsibilities. This trip allowed us to reconnect and get excited for the next season.
As we drove away, I began to think about what our lives will look like in the fall. Parenting doesn’t end when the kids leave the nest, but it does change. For a long time, I’ve been scared of that change.
Yes, I will miss my kids and the life we’ve built around them. But for the first time, I wasn’t only grieving what was ending. I was beginning to look forward to what comes next for my husband and me.
