I must have inherited my mother’s magic touch for putting kids to sleep. It drives my kids crazy.
While I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law recently, she confided that bedtime had become a nightmare. I offered to give her a break by putting my grandson to bed. I was prepared for a struggle since we were at their house, and he knew his mom was in the next room.
We took him to his room after his bath to put on his PJs and sleep sack. It was already darkened and droning with white noise. After she left the room, I gave him a hug and kiss while softly telling him I loved him and that it was now time for dodo. I put him down, and that was that. He squirmed a bit, but I rubbed his back for a couple of minutes until he settled down. Then I sat on the bed opposite his crib and read on my phone until he fell asleep. No hassle, no crying, no standing up.
This is not the first occurrence. Frequently, my exasperated kids have relinquished naptime to me when visiting. It is understood by everyone that Grand-maman will put the children to sleep.
I try not to react smugly to their parents’ astonishment as I walk out of the sleeping child’s room five minutes later.
Calm is contagious
Rocking a baby to sleep remains one of my favorite and calming things in the world. As a young mother, I would especially look forward to those breaks, justifying my taking all the time I needed to put my child to sleep and glean some much-needed serenity myself.
For babies, my strategies consist of following their parents’ lead. I stay on top of their current routine and stick to their order of things. Bathtime, quiet time, dark rooms, a pacifier, a bottle, a soft blanket, or a special plushie are no-brainers.
After running through their usual preliminaries, I sit in the bedroom rocking chair, holding them just firmly enough to help them settle without restricting movement so much that it provokes a struggle. I create sensory rhythmic patterns with my breathing, humming, patting, or rubbing circles on their back. Usually, that works. If not, small adjustments like standing and swaying, or switching from rubbing to patting and vice versa, are often enough. Once I have found a successful method for one child, I stick to it the next time.
I am gentle but firm and use all of my tricks
If they do start to fuss, it is important not to let it escalate to the point of prolonging the process. Sometimes, taking a break and trying again is necessary. I ask myself: Is he overtired? Not tired enough? When was his last sleep and for how long? Is he feeling well? Has there been an abnormal disruption that threw him off his routine? I let those answers guide my next steps. If the child is upset or unwell, I take him to another room to help him reset, dimming the lights and turning off anything noisy.
For older kids, negotiation is often necessary. I remind them why quiet time is important: we have more fun later when we’re not grumpy. I offer to read a story or play a children’s meditation or story from my phone. I lay beside them in a darkish, quiet room and intentionally take loud, deep rhythmic breaths to encourage them to mimic me. The younger ones usually fall asleep, but the older ones who have outgrown naps at least rest, which is always helpful.
Different strokes for different little folks
It is important to remember that each child is different. Some like to be rocked, some like to be laid down with a back rub, and others like to stand and sway. I adapt to whatever works for them and stick to it. Consistency is key.
I usually wait until they are calmed down, then ease them into bedtime with whatever feels familiar and comforting. Sometimes that’s rocking and humming; sometimes it’s just staying close and reassuring them until they settle. If they resist, I keep it gentle and remind him that it’s bedtime and that Grandma loves them.
