Over a year ago, my husband and I sat down in the living room of the house we once thought would be our “next 30 years” home. We talked about the future and set a goal: Before our son starts kindergarten, we’ll move to the Netherlands.
Everyone told us parenthood would change our priorities, but living the process firsthand was still a shock. In late 2024, after the birth of our first kid, my husband and I both had the creeping feeling that the United States wouldn’t be our forever home.
By the time he first vocalized the thought, we had one of those open-mouthed moments. We realized we’d arrived at the same conclusion without ever discussing it.
It took a bit of time to decide where we wanted to move. We’ve lived in California for our whole marriage and don’t want to give up certain luxuries we have here, like access to quality healthcare and a diverse community.
However, there are certain things we want from a new home, too, like stricter gun restrictions and a different public-education system.
After much debate and research, the Netherlands checked all our boxes and then some. We visited last year and confirmed it: Moving here was our goal.
Up until this point, we’d agreed on everything. Then, we started talking about the logistics … specifically, money.
We’ve always had different attitudes toward money
Allison Lau
When it comes to most things, my husband and I can make decisions, come to easy compromises, and move quickly. However, it took us over a year of marriage — and tons of conversations — to feel comfortable merging our bank accounts.
My husband is very money-literate and a little money-obsessed. Meanwhile, I’ll put money into our savings account and promptly forget about it.
He’s fascinated by business, has strong opinions on investing, and consistently reevaluates our larger wealth-building plan. I benefit greatly from his fascination with money, since none of this is my strong suit.
Our goal to move to the Netherlands has plopped us into one of the more complicated discussions about money that we’ve had in a decade of marriage. It boils down to a key disagreement: He wants to build wealth first, then move. I want to move, then resume building wealth.
He sees the Netherlands as a finish line. I see it as our next starting line.
He wants to ‘retire’ to the Netherlands, but I want to start fresh
We planned to move to the Netherlands through the Dutch-American Friendship Treaty (DAFT), which allows an entrepreneur to move a small business to the Netherlands and work toward residency.
However, it seems difficult to purchase a home without a full-time job with a Dutch employer. The alternative, the rental market, is tough, too. Some leases require expats to pay a full year (or two!) of rent entirely up front.
According to my husband, there’s an obvious “best” plan: save enough money here in the US so we can buy a house, with cash, in the Netherlands.
Now, we have a young son, and we’re pregnant with baby number two. A livable apartment for a family of four would cost anywhere between 450,000 euros and 600,000 euros. In USD, this would mean we’d easily be spending over $500,000 at the low end — likely much more.
We manage our money well, but we don’t have that kind of money. And between our current mortgage, the cost of childcare for two kids, and the general high cost of living in Northern California, it’s hard to see that changing over the next two or three years.
My proposed solution? We move now and start off as renters. A full year of rent for a livable two-bedroom apartment in the coveted Ramstand area of the Netherlands would run us about 24,000 euros, or about $28,000.
This way, we could continue to build our wealth in the Netherlands. Jump, and figure it out as we go.
That uncertainty terrifies my husband, who doesn’t want to start from scratch. I understand his perspective: We’re comfortable right now. He’s making a healthy income. He’s afraid of leaving behind this life and ending up worse off.
If we jump and rent, we’re landing without jobs. However, I believe we’ll figure it out.
We’re still figuring out our plans — and working toward our end goal
Allison Lau
We’ve talked until we’re both blue in the face. Our current plan is two-fold: save as much as we can here in the US, and apply aggressively for jobs in the Netherlands. The two routes forward aren’t in conflict, so we’ll work toward both.
Our thinking is that, with time, one of us will either find a job that will allow us to qualify for a Dutch mortgage and purchase a home with a loan, or we’ll accrue enough cash here in the US to buy a Dutch home outright.
Two routes, two different financial strategies, and two potentially very different timelines for moving. We’ve got three years to hit our goal of moving before our son starts kindergarten, and we hope one of these strategies will help us do it.
Did I mention that I’m pregnant and we have a toddler? It’s going to be a busy few years, but we’re excited.
