When I was 16, living with my parents was a drag. It felt like they always wanted to know where I was going, when I was coming home, and who I was going out with.
I dreamed of the day I would move into a house with my friends. Shows like “The Bold Type” and “Girls” had me fantasizing about living in a tiny apartment in New York, hanging out on the couch, and ordering pizza for dinner.
I always thought one day, I would inevitably find myself in the right circumstances where I would move out with some friends or housemates — but at 28, I’m still living at home.
The older I got, the more apparent it became to me that I liked living with my family, and I didn’t feel a rush to leave. Now, I’m preparing to move into a new house with my soon-to-be husband, and I’ll never get to live that girlhood dream.
I have no regrets about how things shook out, though.
I’ve been able to save money and learn invaluable life skills
Emma Ruben
Admittedly, in some ways, living at home has given me less freedom: Blasting music at midnight is a no-go, and often everyone’s trying to use the kitchen at the same time.
What I’ve lost there, though, I’ve gained in financial flexibility.
While my friends have faced rent increases, power bills, and other household expenses, I’ve been able to save money throughout my 20s. Because of that, I could afford to get my degree — and even to purchase the house I’ll move into soon.
I’ve also been able to spend extra money on passions like traveling the world. Having the disposable income to book a holiday at the drop of a hat is a privilege I wouldn’t have if I were paying rent here in Perth, Australia.
Along with saving money, I’ve been able to hone my conflict-resolution and communication skills.
Agreeing on who gets to use the washing machine on which day or who burned the good pot in the kitchen can lead to many an argument. I’ve learned lessons on picking my battles, letting things go, and most importantly, cooperation.
I know now that some arguments aren’t worth having, and it’s better for everyone’s relationship if we try to meet in the middle.
Best of all, I’ve become so much closer to my parents
Emma Ruben
When I was a teenager, I moved mountains to keep secrets from my parents. I wouldn’t even tell them what I bought at the supermarket, let alone share the deepest parts of my life.
Generally, we’ve never been the type of family that uses our words to express ourselves, something I’ve attributed to our Asian background. Living together as adults, though, has brought my parents and me closer in ways I wouldn’t have seen coming when I was a bratty 16-year-old.
We’re intrinsically part of each other’s everyday lives. We talk over breakfast, vent about our workdays, and send each other funny pictures of what our dog’s doing. With time, this led to us connecting about deeper, more “adult” topics, from work and relationships to faith and finances.
Now, I find that I share almost everything with my parents. I turn to my dad for advice when I need support, and whenever I have a smidgen of news, my mom is often the first person I want to tell.
There are times I wish I lived on my own, though
Emma Ruben
I would be lying if I said that it’s always fun to be a 28-year-old living at home. There are times when I wish I could host my friends for dinner, or that I could paint the living room a color of my choice. (For what it’s worth, I’d choose a warm yellow.)
As accommodating as my family is, at the end of the day, I do often feel like I live in someone else’s space. I crave the feeling of coming home to a place that I decorated myself, where I can leave dishes in the sink or have a late-night snack without waking anyone up.
I know that this setup isn’t forever. Soon, my partner and I will get married, and I’ll have to get used to living with someone new.
However, when we do move in together, I know I’ll be bringing skills I’ve learned from nearly three decades of sharing a home with the people who know me best. I know how to have difficult conversations with people I love, how to compromise when we don’t always agree, and when to just let things go.
I may have missed out on having my own place in my 20s, but I gained skills — and a true friendship with my parents — that I never expected, and wouldn’t trade for the world.
