Courtesy of Dean Smith
- Two of my best friends recently told me they were moving hundreds of miles out of state.
- I felt depressed because I thought it would be hard to make new friendships as a Gen X.
- A chance encounter in a bar with another soccer fan turned my pessimism around.
I hosted a good friend for drinks over the holidays. She told me that she, her husband and kids were leaving our New York City suburb for a whole new life in North Carolina.
The news came hard on the heels of another close friend announcing that her household was moving to California.
While I was happy for both families, I was dismayed. Their departure would narrow my friend group even smaller.
As an ex-pat, I've seen many acquaintances come and go over the years, only for them to return to my native UK. One year, I must have attended at least five leaving dos, which made me sad to say goodbye.
It made me reluctant to find new friends. Sooner or later, they'd inevitably get on a plane and that would be it.
Another issue was my age. When you're Gen X and reach your fifties, it's hard to get to know other people. My children were older and it wasn't as if I was meeting fellow parents at the school gates anymore.
I knew plenty of people on social media, but it wasn't the same
I'd pretty much resigned myself to having a couple of neighbors, a few former work colleagues, and my son's Godmother as friends.
Of course, I knew plenty of folk on social media, but it wasn't the same as meeting someone in person to go for dinner, a hike, or a day at the spa.
Recently, however, my husband and I went to a traditional English pub near our town to watch a soccer game on a big screen TV. We wore the uniform of our favorite team, Newcastle United. I could see we were outnumbered by the opposing side's fans.
Still, there was a handful of Newcastle supporters sitting close by. They all seemed to know each other and were clearly having a good time.
I remembered the days when I was younger and socialized in large groups. Too bad, I wasn't part of their crowd.
Rui Vieira/AP
As a journalist, I'm pretty outgoing, but I was daunted by the prospect of approaching them. Then I caught the eye of one of the group — a woman in a Newcastle jersey.
Our team was losing, and she shrugged in mock despair. I smiled and made the same gesture.
Then, once full-time was called, my husband went to use the bathroom. The stranger I'd noticed walked past my table and stopped to chat.
We commiserated on the Newcastle score. She said that her set of people traveled to various bars in Connecticut and New York to watch the team play.
My husband returned. "Nice to meet you," I told the woman as I got up to leave. Then, all of a sudden, I felt brave. "I don't suppose I could have your number?" I asked. "Maybe we could meet at another game."
I felt like we had a lot in common
She rang my phone so I could store her contact details. She texted as we drove home, saying she'd ask the admin of the fans' WhatsApp group to invite me in.
I've been an active member ever since. We exchanged comments about Newcastle's performance, celebrating when they won and — more often — moaning whenever they lost.
Last week, I met the other fans in person at another pub. We had a lot in common. It felt like I'd known them for years. Everyone posed for a photograph, saying "Magpies" — Newcastle's nickname — instead of "cheese."
It was a great afternoon. We made plans to go to Manhattan next time the team had an important fixture.
I'm glad I asked the woman for her number. It was absurd to think I'd never find new connections at my age.
Though I'll still miss my friends who are moving away, the experience opened my mind.
