This story is based on a conversation with Charisse Ellison, 55, a retired police officer from Queens, New York. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I first became pregnant at the age of 17, shortly before I graduated from high school in June 1988.
Those days were different than now, and there was some shame around having a baby when you were young and unmarried. So, I hid my pregnancy for around five months until the cat got out of the bag. By the time I gave birth, I’d gained 75 pounds.
My son, Markeith, was born in November, and people were more accepting after he arrived. But I found it challenging as a first-time mom, especially because he cried a lot.
I became a single mom
I didn’t know what I was doing at first. But you develop an ability to go with the flow, and things fall into place.
Still, I didn’t want motherhood to define my life. I went to school, even though it was hard to juggle studying with caring for Markeith.
I waited five years before I became pregnant again because I was determined to complete my degree. Jevon was born in November 1993 when I was 23. By then, I was a single mom.
My friend took me to the hospital in a taxi. She came upstairs to the labor and delivery unit but had to leave to care for her child. So I gave birth on my own.
Courtesy of Charisse Ellison
I joined the Department of Transportation in 1994. The job was tough, but at least I had an amazing childcare provider at that time.
In 2000, I qualified as a police officer in the New York Police Department. I was there during 9/11 and called to the World Trade Center as a rookie.
In my 30s, I thought I was done with having kids. I considered having my tubes tied. But I was put off when a friend underwent the procedure and then regretted it.
I met my husband in 2008, and we got married in 2010, three years before I retired from the police force. He was 41 years older than me, but we wanted to have a baby during our time together.
I got pregnant on my third attempt at IVF
We got ready to do IVF because of our respective ages, but then we separated. Since I’d already started the process, I wanted to continue using someone else’s sperm.
I got pregnant on the third attempt in November 2020, and when I heard my daughter, Alina’s, heartbeat on the sonogram, I could hardly believe it.
Some of my friends thought I was crazy to become pregnant at 50. They didn’t think I’d cope. But I proved them wrong.
Courtesy of Charisse Ellison
The pregnancy was the easiest of the three, mostly because I didn’t have morning sickness. I took the vitamins and continued my regular exercise routine of walking, only gaining 12 pounds.
I gave birth to Alina in July 2021 at the age of 51. The labor pains were hard, and I needed an epidural at that time. But I fell in love the moment she was placed in my arms.
There were lots of ups and downs with a newborn. I’d gone nearly 30 years without hearing crying or changing diapers. At one point, I asked myself, “What the hell did I do?”
It was a challenge to lift my daughter in and out of the swings
Luckily, my sister moved in with me to help for the first six months. Alina began to sleep through the night, but I felt more tired than I was when the boys were babies.
This time, it was a very different ride. I was much slower both mentally and physically.
When Alina was a toddler, it was a challenge to lift her in and out of the swings at the playground. I had a rotator cuff injury. I’d watch the younger moms picking up their kids and throwing them in the air — something I couldn’t do.
Courtesy of Charisse Ellison
It was lovely because nobody seemed to care about my age. I didn’t mind if the occasional person mistook me for Alina’s grandmother.
She’s now in pre-K, and the other moms include me in everything. We just got back from a princess-themed brunch in the city.
My daughter is so lively and intelligent. She often uses long words and phrases. One of the main differences is that my sons didn’t have access to technology when they were growing up. Alina will quote things she’s seen on YouTube. “If you learn patience, you’ll feel better, Mommy,” she said the other day.
I have enrolled in several insurance policies
But I do have my fears. I wonder about getting older and not seeing her grow up. People my age are passing away, and it’s given me pause for thought. I have taken out several insurance policies to make sure Alina is OK for the future.
She is the apple of everybody’s eye. Markeith and Jevon dote on their little sister. She brings joy to us all.
