Years ago, I got a call from a friend. “The most amazing thing happened,” she gushed, “we got engaged!” She proceeded to tell me about how her boyfriend proposed. They’re such a loving and compatible couple, I couldn’t have been happier for them. Days later, I saw the picture online, her finger encrusted with an antique diamond ring, an heirloom from her fiancé’s grandmother, just like she had told me about over the phone.
Over the years, I would get a message, sometimes out of the blue, from a friend saying something along the lines of, “Let’s catch up.” Then we’d set up a time to meet, or, if we lived too far apart, have a phone call. At times, the news was joyful, like a pregnancy or a major step in a relationship. Other times, it was somber, a divorce, a job loss, a tragic health condition.
Sometimes I would see my friends post on social media later, after they had already told me. Each time, I felt honored that they had reached out to me directly. I felt special that they wanted to make sure I knew what was going on in their life, and not just that I was within the blast radius of a social media post.
When it was my turn, I prioritized personal connections
The year 2023 was big for me. At the beginning of the year, my boyfriend and I bought a weekend house in the mountains. That spring, he proposed to me at that weekend house, under a starry sky. We were both in our mid-30s and eager to start a family. That summer, we eloped with an intimate ceremony at the same place we had our first date three years earlier. In the fall, we shared the good news with family and friends that we were expecting our first child.
I felt the temptation to share all my good fortunes with pictures broadcasted across the World Wide Web. But instead of a picture, I sent my friends a message. “Let’s get together,” or “let’s have a call,” it said.
Courtesy of Renate Flanagan.
Instead of posting the quintessential picture of us holding up a set of keys in front of a house, we told our friends about buying a vacation house over drinks. “We can’t wait to see it!” they exclaimed, and we clinked our glasses together in celebration.
When I met up with a friend I hadn’t seen in a while, she grabbed my hand mid-hug when the sparkle of the diamond caught her eye. Another friend brought over a housewarming gift. She caught a glimpse of the grainy sonogram picture on the fridge. “I’m so happy for you guys,” she said, holding back tears of joy.
Hugs beat out “likes” or heart emojis any day
So much happened in such a short period of time that year. When we caught up with friends we hadn’t seen in a couple of months, the answer to “so, what’s new with you?” sometimes ended up being “we bought a house, and we got engaged, and now we’re married, and we’re having a baby!”
Each time I shared the special things going on in my life, I got to experience the joy again, through the other person. Those moments created memories that I would never have had from just posting online. Waiting to share news in person with the people I love, and seeing their reaction, released more endorphins than any number of “likes” to a post.
Technology has helped me stay in touch with my family and friends around the country and the world. I’ve come to find that sharing life’s ups and downs with the people I love, in person when possible, or by call if not, is the best way to stay connected.
