When I first matched with my now-husband on a dating app, his profile said he was from Belgium. At the time, I assumed he spoke French.
I had been studying Spanish for a few years, and in the language-learning community, there is a joke that the best way to learn a language is to date someone who speaks it. I had fleeting thoughts that I would finally be able to pronounce the names of high-end French fashion brands. Before our first date, I realized he was actually from the Dutch-speaking part of Belgium, and I remember thinking, “Who would want to learn Dutch?”
As our relationship progressed and things became more serious, I asked my future husband if he thought I should learn Dutch. His answer was honest, “It’s not very useful.”
Dutch is primarily spoken in the Netherlands and the Flanders region of Belgium, where my husband is from. Most Dutch speakers also speak English, so as an English speaker, learning Dutch isn’t all that necessary.
We eventually started talking about moving in together, getting married, and having a family one day. I asked my husband if it was important to him that his child speak his native language. Without hesitation, he answered that it was. It was then that I knew that if our yet-to-be-conceived child was going to speak Dutch, their American mother would be the weak link if I didn’t learn the language, too.
Courtesy of Renate Flanagen.
His family has been encouraging
Shortly after I moved in with my now-husband, I started studying Dutch. I used a language-learning app with him by my side, coaching me on pronunciation and grammar.
Most Dutch language-learning resources I’ve found are based on Dutch spoken in the Netherlands. Dutch in the Netherlands and Dutch in Belgium are akin to English spoken in England compared to English in the United States. The pronunciation and meanings of some of the words differ. For instance, “lopen” in the Netherlands means “to walk,” while in Belgium, it means “to run.”
I’ve been fortunate that my efforts to learn Dutch have been met with enthusiasm and encouragement from my husband’s family and friends. Because it’s uncommon for Americans to learn the language, the expectations are comically low.
On my first visit to Belgium, my Dutch was still at a basic level. My vocabulary was limited, and I could only speak in the present tense. Even so, my husband’s friends joked that I would make a good “buitenlander,” meaning a foreigner, because I spoke more Dutch than some people who had moved to Belgium and had lived there for years.
Seeing my son speak Dutch is the greatest reward
My husband and I now have a 2-year-old son that we’re raising in the United States. One of my greatest fears of being a multicultural family living in the US was that my son wouldn’t have any connection to his dad’s culture. Even though my Dutch is at an elementary level, my husband and I primarily speak Dutch with our son.
Courtesy of Renate Flanagen.
During a recent visit from my husband’s family, my son got to play with his 2-year-old cousin from Belgium, who only speaks Dutch. It made my heart swell to watch my son and his cousin play “keuken,” meaning kitchen. My son pretended to make soup in an empty cooking pot and offered a “lepel” (spoon) for his cousin to pretend to drink from. He asked his cousin, “wat denk je?” meaning “what do you think?” to which she responded, “lekker!” meaning “tasty,” and they laughed hysterically.
By learning Dutch, I’m honoring my husband’s culture and language so that our son can grow up as a Belgian American, no matter where we live.
