- I’m the mom of five kids, including teenagers.
- If my kids have no obligations, I let them sleep in as much as they want.
- People have said I’m letting be lazy, but I’m doing it for their health.
Last week, here in Michigan, my children had three “cold days” in a row — with temperatures falling below -20 degrees Fahrenheit, our school district canceled school.
And on those days, as any day that they don’t have school or other obligations, I let my teenagers sleep in as long as they wanted.
They have to wake up so early on school days
One teen roused fairly early, around 9 a.m., while the other didn’t wake until nearly noon. I wasn’t fazed in the slightest. On normal school days, my kids have to get up before 6 a.m., which they do all on their own, but on weekends, off-days, and during the summer months, I do not control my teens’ bedtimes or waketimes.
I always encourage them to sleep as much as possible because I believe that sleep is one of the most important things they need, especially at their age.
Some parents might disagree with me and encourage strict wake-ups, even over the summer, but in our family, my teenagers can’t possibly get anywhere near the recommended hours of sleep on a regular basis. Between school, sports, work, and family commitments, most nights they are lucky to get six to seven hours, and if I’m being honest, some nights it’s even less than that.
I’m aware of the science that says that teens’ brains are wired to stay up later and sleep in, but unfortunately, our school district — like many — just can’t accommodate a schedule that supports their sleep. We live in a rural area where a lot of kids depend on busing, so the bus schedule dictates the school schedule, which means very early wake-up times.
They are not lazy
There’s not a lot I can do to create more hours of sleep for them at night during the school year, but what I do is always encourage them to sleep as much as they want all other days of the year. I’ve heard people call teens lazy for sleeping in so much, but to me, it’s about supporting their health in a very basic way. I want my teens to understand and emphasize the importance of sleep, especially as they grow into adults.
Part of my motivation is also selfish. I am personally someone who has always needed a lot of sleep to function, so just in case they turn out like me, I want them to know it’s okay to be someone who needs a lot of sleep. Years of sleep deprivation as a mother severely impacted my physical and mental health, yet I’ve always felt guilty anytime I needed more sleep or “let” my husband help me at night.
So far, my strategy is working. My teens are responsible, do well in school, work side jobs when they want spending money, and have no problem regulating their own sleep. I do set some boundaries that I also use to support a healthy sleep environment: their phones have auto bedtimes that I control (weekdays have earlier times than weekends), their bedrooms are kept screen-free, and I instituted white noise habits from the time they were babies.
I’m not naive enough to think it’s all my strategic parenting or merit that has granted me children who can sleep in or regulate their sleep schedules.
Everyone and every family is different, of course. My goal is not to shame any family whose teens aren’t able to sleep in on a whim; my goal is simply to make sure my teens never feel shamed for sleeping in.
