I moved from the US to France with my French partner, two suitcases, and my American optimism.
He had thrived as an international student in the US, so I assumed I’d adapt just as easily as a young professional in Paris.
However, after we got married, I struggled to adjust — and I coped by comparing my new life to my old one.
It took me a while to absorb the best piece of advice I received as an expat
I was lucky to find an international friend group shortly after my move.
One day, while venting to one of them about how I missed American salaries, holidays, and even my family dentist, she stopped me and simply said, “You can’t compare.”
At the time, I knew she was right, but didn’t want to hear it. However, as the years passed, I realized it was the best advice about moving abroad I’d ever received.
Comparison is natural — after all, how often do we see articles ranking countries against each other? Although this can be useful, constantly measuring my old life, comfort level, and norms against my new ones only made me blind to everything France had given me.
Adjusting to a new place can take years — and that’s OK
Grace Brennan
I’ve heard people say it takes two years to feel at home in a new country. For me, it took four (plus a gap year in London and a move to the South of France, where my husband is from).
The turning point came when I finally stopped comparing my life to what could’ve been.
Yes, I make less money here, and seeing my friends back home land impressive salaries can make me question my path. Since I left, I’ve only been home once for Thanksgiving, and celebrating away from family and missing weddings and funerals never gets easier.
Plus, I still miss little things, like SoulCycle and Trader Joe’s, more often than I’d like to admit. However, I’ve got so much to appreciate about my new life in France.
I work less, stress less, and have had the space to reassess my career. I became self-employed, started lecturing in an English program at a French university at 25, and built a new life centered on my passions for writing, music, and nonprofit work.
I’ve made new friends from all over the world who have become like family. I also appreciate the support, patience, and grace of my community back home more than ever. Plus, I’ve had the joy of hosting many of them here, sharing our home and life in ways I never could have if I’d stayed in the US.
Most importantly, I’ve developed a deep gratitude for how my husband’s country has shaped him and welcomed me.
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These days, I focus on having gratitude for all my new country has given me
While I plan my future in France, I remain incredibly grateful for where I grew up. The US will always be a part of me, and I wouldn’t trade my American upbringing or university experience for anything.
I still have bittersweet moments, like realizing my future kids’ childhood won’t look anything like mine. However, now, those feelings are balanced by the excitement of getting to see them experience their own culture in one of the most beautiful countries.
For anyone who has recently moved abroad or is considering it, all I can say is this: The best thing I ever did was stop comparing and start appreciating both where I’m at and where I’m from.
