“I want to go to Montenegro,” my mom told me over the phone. She was back home in Chicago, and I was in France, where my husband and I had moved three years earlier.
It wasn’t entirely surprising. Since we moved abroad, my mom has been eager to travel more. But Montenegro? The idea felt a little random, which made it all the more intriguing.
Turns out she’d spotted a video of the country on Facebook, likely on one of the Polish-language pages she follows.
I was excited to share another adventure with her, especially one she’d chosen. And if we were going that far, I figured we may as well see more of the region.
After all, I’m a travel blogger and journalist, and my mom has become increasingly interested in seeing what I do and experiencing firsthand what I enjoy so much about travel.
She’d visited us a few times since we moved to France, but the Balkans would be a bigger adventure.
I planned for my husband and me to take her to three countries (Croatia, Montenegro, and Bosnia and Herzegovina) over two weeks. This meant navigating border crossings outside the European Union, handling several layers of logistics, and creating a plan that would work for my mom, who would turn 75 on the trip.
I knew my usual travel pace wasn’t going to work for this trip, so we had to plan ahead
Agnes Groonwald
My husband and I are active travelers. We regularly rack up 20,000-step days, love a hike to a panoramic viewpoint, and push through heat and discomfort because we’re of the “We may never come back here” mindset. Whenever we can, we also take public transit.
My mom travels differently. She spent 40 years as a server, so she’s no stranger to being on her feet and is generally in good health, but retirement has slowed her down.
Even on her most active days, she moves at a gentler pace. Hills are particularly challenging, and long stretches of walking, especially on uneven surfaces, can catch up with her.
Before booking accommodations or transportation, I considered the physical demands of each day. I checked elevation changes for walks between hotels and the places we wanted to visit, looked for ways to avoid unnecessary uphill treks, and ruled out extra-long guided tours.
I also hired private drivers ahead of time to give us more flexibility. This way, we could tailor the stops to our needs rather than follow a big group’s schedule, including when we stopped, where we were dropped off, and how long we stayed.
We made small adjustments throughout to ensure my mom was comfortable
Arsty/Getty Images
We started with three easy nights in Dubrovnik, Croatia. During our stay, we explored the popular Croatian city’s Old Town and lingered over meals of fresh fish. We spent a lot of time in the pool, since I learned my mom has far more energy in the water than on land.
After that, we were driven into Montenegro, where we learned the importance of rest. On a hot day in Perast, she loved the short boat ride to the man-made island, Our Lady of the Rocks.
But by midday, the heat had made us all a little testy. Ice cream helped, but the real fix was learning to schedule breaks before we reached the point of needing them.
My husband and I usually take a late-afternoon break rather than staying out until dinner anyway. With my mom, we just moved it up a few hours. She never asked us to accommodate her, but I learned to tell when she needed one.
Sometimes, the best adjustment was giving ourselves permission to split up. In the Old Town of Kotor, Montenegro, which was walking distance from our base in Dobrota, my husband and I hiked up to the Kotor Fortress while she stayed behind to rest and feed the cat that adopted us for our three-day stay.
When we got back, she was ready to go, and we spent a few hours exploring together.
Agnes Groonwald
Our next leg of the trip was to Bosnia and Herzegovina, which included a four-hour stretch of winding mountain roads that left all of us feeling a little green — my mom most of all. This is where a private driver really paid off.
He pulled over so she could get some air and rest, waited without complaint or worry that we were on a tight schedule, and let her ride up front the rest of the drive.
On a big bus, she likely would have had to suffer through it.
By the end of the trip, I was surprised by what she could handle
Agnes Groonwald
Our group of three felt almost like a well-oiled machine by our last stop to Sarajevo, Bosnia and Herzegovina. At this point, I knew what worked and what didn’t. Steep hills were a no-go. Long car rides were hard and great to avoid, when possible. She could handle a full day if we built in breaks.
In Sarajevo, we took several guided tours to learn about the city’s history and war. My mom had lived through hardship herself in Poland before immigrating to the U.S. in the 1980s, so I wasn’t sure how she’d react to heavier subjects. She was fascinated.
During the siege, a narrow tunnel — known as the Tunnel of Hope — was dug under the airport to move food, supplies, and people. Today, you can walk through a short restored section. I assumed she’d wait outside, but she walked right through.
That’s what I learned most from traveling with my mom. I couldn’t assume what she could or couldn’t do. Instead, I simply had to pay attention.
She didn’t need me to plan a completely different trip. She needed me to understand that her version of a good travel day looked a little different from mine, and that it can be just as full.
