- After medical leave seven years ago, I didn’t return to my full-time job.
- However, I’ve written a memoir and write freelance work, so I’m not fully retired.
- I consider myself “fluidly retired” for now.
When I was a young professional, I never planned to retire. My career as a health education specialist fulfilled me in a way that being a wife and mother could not. In my early 50s, though, that 5 a.m. alarm became more and more intrusive, and I accepted that someday I’d want to call it quits. Maybe at 66 years and 8 months, when I would reach full retirement age as defined by social security. Or maybe I’d push it to 70.
My body had other ideas.
After paid medical leave, I never went back to work full-time
At 58, I’d been working in the worksite wellness space for six years, finally making a decent salary. But after decades of IBS and three years of worsening GI problems, my gut was a mess.
Then, my colorectal surgeon found a new complication. It wasn’t immediately serious, but if I had any chance of recovery, I’d need to leave my job and focus on my health. As I left the appointment that day, I put on sunglasses to hide my tears.
I took a paid medical leave from my job, never intending to abandon my career. “As soon as I’m better,” I told myself, “I’ll come back at the top of my game.”
While at home, I spent most of my time running to the bathroom or curled up on the couch with a heating pad. Traditional medicine, alternative treatments, and minor surgery didn’t improve my condition. Regardless, my benefits ran out two years later. (Thankfully, my husband’s salary supported us both.)
On good days, I worked on a memoir about motherhood and people-pleasing I’d begun years before, but I knew I couldn’t meet the commitments of a full-time or even part-time position.
Was I retired? If asked, I answered no. I didn’t have an aversion to the idea or think retirement was an ageist concept, but the term simply didn’t fit.
Four years later, I’m now 66 and 3 months, a published author, engaged in freelance writing when inspiration hits me. My GI issues are better, but not great.
Am I retired now?
I haven’t stopped working completely
I still don’t know how to answer that question. I applied for “retired” status from my professional credentialing association, but what was my retirement date? September 2016, when my medical leave began? October 2018, when it ended? June 2024, when I began drawing my barely-enough-for-groceries state retirement?
On medical and insurance forms, I check “retired” for lack of a better answer, but I worry my doctors will treat me differently as a result. On LinkedIn, I’m “self-employed,” and on my taxes, I’m a “freelance writer,” although if income defines success in either role, I’m a failure.
I have lots of company in my confusion: senior workers who never formally retired yet aren’t working full-time, employees over 60 who were downsized or laid off, and freelancers who slowly pared down their commitments. Many of these individuals didn’t choose to end their careers, and few received a plaque or party before they walked out the door or ended the final Zoom call.
In five months, I’ll be eligible for Social Security. Will I finally be retired then? I’ll decide when that day arrives. I’ve concluded that, regardless of age, you’re retired if you think you are.
I miss a steady paycheck, but I love the freedom to spend my time as I wish. If I’m not writing, I’m sewing, gardening, or enjoying unfettered time with my husband. Maybe I’ll write another book. Maybe I won’t.
Now, if I’m asked about my retirement status, I say, “I’m “fluidly retired.” That phrase won’t appear on a form with a box to check, but working outside the box is often where contentment lies.
