I was born and raised in New York City and moved to Italy when I was 24 years old. For a little over twelve years, Italy has been my home, and I’ve built a life here.
I have two children, an 8-year-old daughter and a 3-year-old son. Both of them have spent their entire lives in Italy. I’ve never experienced raising children in America, but I was raised there and have a good understanding of American parenting. And let me tell you, parenting here is a completely different story, with some of it being very surprising.
Of course, the food is different
I still remember my days in public school in New York City. My mom packed me healthy homemade lunches because you couldn’t have paid me to eat what the school cafeteria was serving.
If I told you what my daughter eats at school in Italy, you would think she was dining at a gourmet trattoria. Each day, the children are served a first course, usually pasta with vegetables or beans, and a second course such as meatballs, chicken cutlets, or poached fish, and a side dish of carrots, green beans, or salad. This multi-course meal occasionally includes a dessert, like chocolate cake.
The quality is also impressive. The food at my daughter’s school is prepared by local cooks, many of whom are mothers and relatives of children at the school, and a local restaurant oversees the process.
Schedules are structured differently
In America, it often feels like my friends’ kids’ calendars are packed from morning until night with sports practices, music lessons, tutoring sessions, and various extracurricular activities. That’s just not the case in Italy.
While Italian children participate in after-school activities, there isn’t the same pressure to keep them constantly occupied. The emphasis is on what the child genuinely wants to do rather than on building the perfect résumé or filling every available hour. If children want to play sports or learn an instrument, they do. If not, that’s fine, too.
Kids appear to have more freedom
Over the years, I’ve noticed that children in Italy seem to have more freedom, and their parents are less likely to monitor their every move. This is one area where I personally struggle.
A large part of that comes from how I was raised. Growing up in New York City, safety was always a major concern. Parents were constantly aware of potential dangers and took precautions to protect their children.
Courtesy of Caroline Chirichella.
Safety has always been a top priority for me, so while I try to give my children independence where appropriate, I often find myself feeling more cautious than many of the parents around me. I’ve seen children at the park attempting risky tricks and climbing equipment that makes me nervous, while their parents are chatting with friends or looking at their phones. While this approach can help children develop confidence, independence, and a better understanding of real-world risks, it’s not something I fully embrace, and honestly, probably never will.
Extended family is very involved
Another major difference is the role the extended family plays in fostering children. It seems that the responsibility is often shared across generations rather than falling solely on the parents. Grandparents, especially the nonna, often serve as a second mother. Babysitters and nannies are not as commonly relied upon because family members typically step in to help. Cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents all play an active role.
My parents moved to Italy a few years back, so they are full-time grandparents and are a daily part of our children’s lives.
Community feels different here
People all seem to know one another where I live in Italy. It’s on a different level than the neighborhood I grew up in while in New York City.
Small communities, like the one I live in, tend to be close-knit, with a shared sense of responsibility for looking out for children. That’s not something I ever felt when I lived in the US.
Families stay close
In America, there is a strong emphasis on children eventually leaving the nest, the idea that once you’re ready for college, you’re expected to leave home and become independent.
In Italy, that’s simply not the case. Parents seem less focused on their children getting into a prestigious university, securing a stable job, and moving out as quickly as possible. Many Italian children continue living at home until they get married, and that’s considered perfectly normal. Heck, even once they get married, many young couples continue to live at home until they eventually have stable jobs and income. It’s not looked at in a bad way, but rather that family is always a part of who you are here, no matter your age.
Time will tell how our family will negotiate this stage of life. My parents are a regular part of our lives, and I hope they will continue to be as my children grow.
I’m raising my kids with strategies from both places
I find myself trying to take the best from both worlds while raising my kids. I’m combining independence, family values, and the sense of community I see in Italy, but with that extra emphasis on safety that shaped my upbringing in America.
One thing I personally struggle with is feeling like an American parent while raising my children in Italy. I guess part of me will always be in limbo. No matter where you live in the world, there is no right or wrong way to parent; it’s probably hard wherever you call home.
