I’m a single 30-something renting in a community house in central Vancouver, where I can enjoy everything the city offers. I work a flexible freelance schedule, and fill my time with friends, new hobbies, and traveling.
In so many ways, I truly love my life. I know I’m lucky.
But I’m also ready to find a partner and start building a life together.
This dream sometimes feels far away, especially when I start comparing myself to other people, like my sister, who is married, has recently bought a house, and is pregnant with her second child.
She’s one of my best friends, and I am genuinely thrilled for her. But I still feel jealous at times.
I struggle with comparison sometimes
My sister and I have always been close and see each other weekly. Having her, my brother-in-law, and nephew is a privilege, and I’m genuinely so happy for them.
Sometimes, when I compare our lives, jealousy creeps in. I look at her beautiful family and think, “Why can’t I have that?” It’s hard to admit this; I sometimes feel guilty that I can’t just “be happy for her.”
I think it’s common to fall into this comparison trap. When looking at other people’s lives, it’s easy to see where I’m “behind” in terms of career, family status, income, house, or other areas. It’s particularly hard when cultural or societal standards dictate where I “should” be in my thirties, even if it’s an outdated expectation.
But there’s really something behind the truism, “comparison is the thief of joy.” Getting caught up in it can cause unnecessary pain, which is something I never want to impact my relationship with my sister.
Both things can be true at once
While comparison is human nature to some degree, I don’t want to get stuck there. A helpful mindset shift for me is recognizing how two things can be true at once.
I can be excited for my sister’s life, and I can feel disappointed that I don’t have the same. I can even feel both grateful and sad over things in my own life.
One emotion doesn’t negate the other — both things are true at the same time. And by acknowledging all emotions, I can stop dwelling so much on the negative ones and embrace the good.
I’m learning to live my life as it is now
I’m not perfect at it, but this mindset has helped me embrace where I am today, instead of wasting energy comparing myself to my sister or anyone else. I can embrace my unique story and appreciate all the good things in my own life, and in my sister’s life, too.
While I still want a partner, a house, and a family one day, I’m also grateful for what my life without them affords, like time freedom and opportunities to travel or have new experiences.
Ultimately, learning to accept the mixed emotions we all experience in life is helping me embrace my own path and make the most of life today.
