I have not spent Christmas with my mother in more than a decade. We have spent our Christmases apart simply because of geography. We’ve been living on opposite sides of the country: a five-hour flight or a 26-hour car ride through unpredictable weather.
So, she’s kept to herself for the holidays, and I’ve become the keeper of Christmas for my immediate family. Even as my sons grew up and moved away, taking on their own roles to make our holidays special, I’m still the list-maker, the “don’t forget” reminder, and the decider in all things.
My four sons, all between 25 and 31 years old, have helped lighten my load over the years, especially as their partners have come onto the scene. Christmas was just starting to take on a new, easier shape.
But this year, my mother lost her husband of nearly 40 years, so she’s coming to visit, and I’m realizing how far I will need to stretch my budget.
I have to be my mother’s Santa this year
At first, I didn’t really think about how my mother’s arrival might change my own role for the holidays. I just thought about my mom, exhausted and heartbroken and unmoored by the loss of the husband she has lived with for more than half her life.
But as she gets ready to fly to me for Christmas, I’m realizing she’s going to need me to be her Santa.
My mom needs a Santa. She has suffered this year in a way I cannot even imagine. She needs soothing; she needs to be reintroduced to a big family Christmas. She needs a stocking filled with fun, thoughtful trinkets. She needs me to make this year extra magical, and honestly, I’m worried I’m not up to the task.
I’m struggling to keep up with everything this Christmas
I’m finding this Christmas overwhelming because everyone in the family needs me for different reasons. My kids need me to bring them together, to cook for them and bake for them, and organize a big rental space for the group of us.
Courtesy of Jennifer McGuire
I’m also paying attention to everyone’s finances, thinking about who is doing well and who is not. I’m thinking about who might need a bit more and how I can give a bit more without playing favorites. How can I afford a bit more?
This is, perhaps, the crux of Christmas this year. The weight of giving to my children and my mother when they all need more. Whether it’s holiday gifts, time, or food, everyone needs me to be their person this year.
Even though everyone in the house will be a grown-up, I’m left feeling, for all intents and purposes, like the only grown-up for the holidays.
I’m struggling financially
I’m worried that I simply cannot afford to be Santa for everyone — not this year. Like many others, I have lost job after job in 2025. I am swimming just below the surface of losing everything, and I can’t seem to come up for air.
I know that no one in my family expects a lot for Christmas, but even a little something to make the day special for each person who so deeply deserves it will be a struggle. There are 10 people in our family, and $100 each means $1,000. We all know that $100 each is next to no budget at all.
And so this year, I’m getting creative. I’m buying secondhand gifts. I’m trying to become a crafty person to create something meaningful for all of my loved ones. I’m wishing I had helpful elves to take on some of my Santa tasks. I’m actively choosing to leave the stress of trying to find work at the door until after the holiday. I’m trying, I’m trying, I’m trying.
I’m focusing on giving my mother support
My mother’s first Christmas as a widow can’t be consumed by my own stress. She needs comfort. She needs family. She needs joy. Luckily, all of that is free.
She needs me to be the grown-up in the house. She needs me to be Santa. They all do, and I refuse to buckle under the weight of it.
Instead, I’m going to choose to feel grateful that I have all of this love in my life.
