This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Tamela Gill Davis. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I always felt like there were two divergent paths for me to follow. One led to New York City, where I would live my best Carrie Bradshaw life, fiercely independent. The other led to a partner I really trusted, and a large family to structure my life around.
Soon after I met my husband, Demario Davis, I realized I was moving along the second path. Demario and I met in class when I was in grad school, and he was in his senior year of college. For about six months, we were just friends, but when Demario asked me to be his girlfriend, he explained he wanted to date me with the intention of getting married. It was like a mini proposal.
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The next year, 2012, we got married, and Demario was drafted to the NFL. Today, he plays for the Saints, while I homeschool our kids.
Our 6 kids have two first names each
My mom and dad had many siblings, and I loved watching the dynamics between my aunts and uncles at my grandmother’s house. I wanted five kids, like the Crosbys, but Demario said we should make it an even six.
I’m not having any more. After our fifth child, I had my first miscarriage. I thought that was a sign that my body was done, but soon after, I got pregnant again. It was a difficult pregnancy, and the delivery was my first C-section. My body has had enough after being pregnant or nursing for nearly 12 years.
All our kids have double first names, like Bailey-Grace, our oldest. It appeals to the vintage southern girl in me. They call each other by the first part of their names, but I always use the full name. I teach them that they can ask people to use their full names too, and correct others if it’s wrong on paperwork.
I planned to be an educator, and now I homeschool
Before I met Demario, I was planning a career in education: I would become a teacher, then a principal, then a superintendent, before moving into higher education. However, after we were married, I quit my job when he was drafted by the Jets, and we moved.
I signed our oldest up for preschool, but it never lasted long. People would ask, “What are you looking for?” and I realized I was looking for a teacher like me. Because of my background in education, I had structured our home like a schoolhouse, setting up learning corners, without even realizing it.
Homeschooling fits our schedule and lifestyle, but it’s about so much more than that: it feels like an assignment from God.
Another teacher helps me out
On a typical day, I require the kids to be “on” from 7 to 7. They wear uniforms Monday through Thursday. It’s a way of teaching professional development. It’s very important to show up in the world in a way that reflects who you are, and presentation is a big part of that. It’s almost like etiquette training.
Today, the kids are 12, 10, 9, 6, 4, and 1 years old. We have a very individualized approach to learning, so sometimes they follow the same curriculum, and sometimes they don’t. Right now, I have another teacher come in to help: she’ll work with the big kids while I work with the littles, then we’ll switch.
We want the kids to know they’re our most important team
On game days, we get up early and have doughnuts for breakfast. The kids lay out their clothes the night before and complete their checklist. We aim to get to the stadium an hour before kickoff. The kids enjoy watching Dad, and especially love running onto the field with him after the games.
Even with our schedule, family dinners are very important to me. We typically have dinner together at 6 p.m. on Mondays through Thursdays during the season. If we can’t do that because a child has an activity, we find time to gather together as a family before bed. We use video chat if Demario is traveling.
The kids need to know that although life is busy, they’re extremely important to us and they’re important to each other. We always tell them: we’re the team.
