People warned me that motherhood “would change everything,” and they were right. However, some of the things I was told were different from my experience. After my beautiful daughter turned one, I waited for the feeling that many parents talk about — the feeling of yearning for another baby. The excitement I often heard of when trying for baby #2, along with the fantasy of pushing a double stroller around the neighborhood.
But what I felt instead was something different. I felt at peace. I felt complete. I felt like my family of three brought me certainty. I wasn’t secretly hoping for another baby to add to our family. I felt done. And for that, I’m not (and never will be) sorry.
I love my daughter, but motherhood is also a job
I love being a mom more than anything in the world. I love my daughter so much that it brings tears to my eyes just to think about her. But it’s also the hardest job I’ve ever had — and that’s a part of motherhood that’s talked about less often when the topic comes up. More often, people talk about the magic of having kids and how it goes by so fast. However, there’s also the mental load that crushes you some days. And no matter how much you love your child, you can still crash out from exhaustion and overstimulation.
I’m one and done because I know myself and what I can handle. I don’t see myself doing multiple rounds of this rodeo. I know what an incredible mother I can be when I’m not stretched past my edge, and I think having another child might do exactly that.
As a new mom, I discovered the narrative that “good moms” are supposed to want more — and want to do more. More children, more overstimulation, and more sacrifice. And that’s where I draw the line. Personally, I feel like having a second child would be incredibly taxing for my mental health. I’m already stretched thin — I’m a host on the syndicated morning radio show “The Fred Show,” the CEO and founder of The Mami Collective, and the primary caregiver (or, depending on who you ask, the default parent) to my 18-month-old daughter.
Having another baby would likely push my marriage to the ultimate test. I’ve also spent 12 years building my career — the one I’m so proud of, that brings me so much joy — and I feel it would make me compromise much of that hard work. So, instead of having another child, I’m choosing myself. And because I’m choosing myself, my daughter has the most fulfilled and happiest version of me.
Photo credit: Lisette Garcia
I’m making this choice for myself, my husband, and my daughter
I’m choosing to do what I can to prevent becoming a mom who is hanging on by a thread. I want to pour everything I can into my daughter and give her the best version of myself, and to do so, I need to have emotional bandwidth. While I’m glad to be a mother, I think being the mother of an only child will allow me to do all these things in the best balance — for my daughter, for my husband, and for myself.
I know some people may judge my choice not to have another child, but I don’t want to disappear into motherhood. I have an identity outside that part of myself. And I’m not here to fit into anyone’s narrative that wants me to lose myself to prove that I love my child.
I’m allowed to say that my body has been through enough from my pregnancy. I’m allowed to say that my mental health matters. I’m allowed to love my child with everything I have, while also loving my decision to be “one and done.” Because motherhood doesn’t come with an award for burnout. My daughter doesn’t need a sibling to be whole, and I don’t need to sacrifice myself to prove I’m a good mom.
