For a few years, my husband and I have taken on a “divide and conquer” mentality when it comes to our parenting tasks. We have four kids, and thus, we’re considered to be a large family. With so much to do it’s so much easier to assign parenting tasks we can tackle on our own. Otherwise, we feel disorganized and chaotic.
Despite two of our children being teens, and another about to be a teen, we are busier than ever before. Older kids have older kid activities, which means lots of school-night games, performances, and practices. It’s a lot to manage.
We’ve found that dividing tasks by preference and availability, as well as education and expertise, helps us stay in control of the chaos. Whoever is more interested in that area and has more experience, usually takes on the job.
My husband is the go-to parent for field trips
My husband tackles the field trip chaperoning. He likes the go-go-go of the field trip task. He is usually the only dad on field trips, making these school day adventures extra special for our kiddos. Whether he’s assisting a nature trail field trip or an indoor museum, he’s happy to lend a hand.
He also handles most of the sports management: checking messages, verifying schedules, and taking care of paying fees and ordering necessary gear. He recently went on a four-day trip with our oldest child for a color guard and band competition. Although I tend to hit the gym more than my husband, he has more of an understanding of athletics, sports rules, and sports procedures, so this is a geat area for him to take charge.
My husband is also the kids’ medicine manager. He refills their prescriptions and orders supplements, as well as sorts anything they’re taking into pill organizers every Sunday, which makes every morning so much easier.
I like to attend all of the medical appointments
I take charge of my kids’ education. I’m usually the one to contact the school office if they’ll be absent for an appointment and e-mail teachers if I have questions or concerns.
I’ve also also opted to be in charge of my children’s medical appointments. As a type 1 diabetic and breast cancer survivor, I’ve had a bit more medical experience than my husband. I also work to act as a role model for the kids at appointments, showing them and encouraging them to self-advocate in medical settings.
Because of my love of books, I also volunteer in one of my children’s school libraries a few times a month. I love helping kids choose books, check out books, and, of course, I like getting to see my own child for a few minutes when her class is visiting the library.
We share some responsibilities, too
Of course, teamwork is often the key to success. Both of us attend our kids’ Individualized Education Program (IEP) meetings and parent-teacher conferences, when possible. We feel it’s important to be on the same page when it comes to these important meetings and plans.
We usually both attend our kids’ performances and games. Currently, one of our kids wrapped up her color guard season, and now we have one child in basketball and one in wrestling. We think it’s important to show up and cheer our kids and their teammates on as a family whenever possible.
Another area of parenting that we are equally involved in is supporting our children with the chore chart. Our kids each have daily chores, based on age, ability, and availability. We strongly believe that every person in the house should do their part, so we are both responsible for enforcing the chore chart. This means checking in with the kids before we wrap up our evening to see what’s been done, what hasn’t, and what they need some help with.
We both tackle any conflicts, questions, or concerns that arise with our kids, depending on which of us is available. Open communication, a willingness to listen, and the value of parental guidance aren’t lost to us.
The beauty of our system is that our kids get to see for themselves how adults can be equally responsible, while tackling their designated tasks on their own. The kids know they can rely on both of us to show up for them, teaching, encouraging, and cheering them on, no matter what.
