This story is based on an interview with Trisha Martin, 58, a spiritual therapist from St Louis, Missouri. It has been edited for length and clarity.
My 87-year-old mom — whom I affectionately call Mommi — had always been the epitome of independence.
She didn’t want us to do anything for her and would practically push us away when we tried to assist her in the home we shared. “Leave me alone,” she’d say. “Help me when I need it!”
Sadly, that day came on March 9, 2024, when she had a stroke, which affected her mobility and changed our lives forever.
That morning, I was getting ready for my daily, early walk when I found her standing in the kitchen, wiping the counter. She was doing the same motion over and over, almost as if she was caught in a loop she couldn’t get out of.
I called 911, and the ambulance took her to the hospital for an emergency procedure. Five days later, she went to an intensive rehab facility where she stayed for two weeks.
She came home on April 1. Ever since that day, I’ve been her primary caregiver, aided by my daughter, TraNisha, 39, who also lives with us.
She didn’t qualify for Medicaid
We look after her, without financial assistance, because she doesn’t qualify for Medicaid. She has savings above the threshold, having worked in the food industry her entire life.
She had good retirement benefits and private insurance as a result.
Courtesy of Trisha Martin
I guess we could have hired outside help, but we’re a pretty close family who prefers doing things for each other ourselves. While I don’t meet the requirements for caregivers’ compensation, we did qualify for a one-time grant for some items, including some medication due to her dementia.
It feels like the natural flow — the “circle of life” — to be caring for Mommi now, just as she cared for me when I was younger.
She’s an extension of me, and I’m an extension of her. Nothing has skipped a beat in terms of me being there for her needs.
I sleep in her bedroom, making sure she gets up during the night OK to use the bathroom two or three times. I give her a sponge bath every morning and help with her walker and wheelchair.
I control my own schedule
My mom can still talk and feed herself, but she’s otherwise dependent on us.
I tend to handle the everyday care, while TraNisha is in charge of the business side of the house, like the finances. She also schedules Mommi’s doctors’ appointments and takes her to those.
One of the best things about the arrangement is me being able to work from home. My career background was in a local government agency, but I founded my spiritual therapy business, Life Advice By Divine Order, in 2011.
I’m my own boss, which has allowed me to control my own schedule. I know some carers don’t have that luxury, so I’m very grateful I do.
As a spiritual person, I’d say I run on divine energy. Mommi will stay well cared for in our home for as long as possible, until somebody else says differently.
It’s an honor and a privilege to be by her side.
