For a long time, I used to try doing everything with my three children together. We’d all go to the movies or for a walk outside. The truth is, it was often a disaster. My children range in age from two to nine, so their needs are vastly different. They also have different ideas about what constitutes “fun.” I found it exhausting, and it was never really enjoyable for any of us.
A friend who used to be our neighbor inspired me to take a different approach. I’d see her going out one-on-one with her son or doing things alone with just her and her daughter.
One day, I asked her about it, and she said she made a habit of spending special time with each child on their own doing the things they loved. She said she didn’t expect all three of her kids to enjoy the same activities, and she felt it was important to recognize their individual interests and hobbies. It was a lightbulb moment; her words made so much sense to me.
Taking my kids out one-on-one helped us connect
So, after years of trying to make everyone enjoy the same outings, I decided to divide and conquer with my husband and occasionally take each kid out alone. When I did, it made a world of difference to our relationships.
Nowadays, I go on dates with my 6-year-old daughter to see films her brother may not enjoy, like “Snow White.” Then we’ll have a snack together and talk about the fashion on screen or the love story. I know that my 9-year-old son would cringe listening to our girly chats, but this way, he doesn’t have to.
When it’s time for a mother-son date, my older son and I will play pickleball or go on a two-hour hike into the wilderness and chat. Sometimes, we stop and skim rocks together or investigate some weird-looking bug. Often, on these long walks, my son opens up and talks about issues at school or asks me questions about things he doesn’t understand. I’m so grateful for the open dialogue with him and the chance to provide advice and reassurance.
My younger daughter loves to go to the library with me, and we’ll often stop for a hot beverage afterward or play in the playground. As the third child, she has to tag along with the older kids a lot, and I think she may often feel overlooked. When it’s just her and me, I know she loves being the center of attention and really benefits from the quality time together.
Courtesy of Melissa Noble
Our one-on-one time is important, but we still spend time as a family
I’ve realized that spending one-on-one time with each child is so important, as it allows us to connect on a deeper level. I feel less stressed than when I have all three kids out and about myself and can give the child I’m with my full attention.
It’s also helped minimize sibling rivalry between the kids and helps ensure that everyone’s needs are being met. In the past, my kids would act more frequently to get my attention. Since the one-on-one dates started, that’s happening less and less.
Of course, we still spend time together as a family of five. Usually, on Sundays, we’ll do a family bike ride or go for a picnic. But we’ve made sure to prioritize these one-on-one activities. Spending time alone with each child has been a game changer. It has enriched our family dynamics and made our household a happier one.
