My parenting style can be described as a tired mother, trying her best. My approach is mostly gentle and laid-back, with flashes of Type-A-style organization where I try to set boundaries. I love my kids, but often feel overstimulated and overwhelmed, as though, despite my best efforts, I’m not doing it right.
So when videos of mothers wearing distressed denim while whipping up snacks and having fun with their children started popping up on my Instagram feed, I was enthralled. They were depicting a parenting trend called the “1990s butter mom.” Though the trend may simply be putting a name to a type of parenting that’s been around for a while, it seemed like something I should try. “Butter moms” are wholesome and kind, with an aesthetic full of flowing fabrics, scrunchies, and cluttered kitchens.
As someone who grew up in the 90s, I tried leaning into being a butter mom for a month to see if it could help me feel less stressed about parenting.
I spent more time cooking
The trend emerged as a sort of antithesis to almond moms, who often pass on their restrictive relationships with food to their children. Instead, butter moms are said to enjoy cooking and eating, focusing on nourishment and whole ingredients like butter.
While I like cooking, my kids often only want to eat specific things, so my attempts at home-cooked meals were more often enjoyed by me rather than them. After making a wholesome lasagna or vegetable dish, I still had to cook food that my kids would eat, so I gave up and went back to their usual routine. When I tried to bake with them, I ended up exhausted with expensive ingredients all over the kitchen. We did find a good middle ground, though, and enjoyed making cookies together from store-bought dough.
Despite this, I did love spending more time in the kitchen, along with spending more time outside gardening, and embracing 90s fashion like dungarees, chunky trainers, and oversize shirts.
Courtesy of Annabel Lee
I reduced my screen time
Even though it’s a social media trend, butter moms themselves are typically women who remember what it was like to live before the internet, when we were all more present in our real lives rather than so focused on our phones. Inspired by butter moms, I tried to be less online, starting by putting my phone away as much as possible after picking up my kids from school.
This was a big change; typically, this is one of the key times when I am on my phone while also being with my children. Once they’re home, I can’t really get work done, so I’ll often pick up my phone and claim to be working when I’m really scrolling the internet.
I didn’t always succeed at staying off my phone, but I did feel like I had more time on my hands to play with, talk to, and hang out with my children.
I found it trickier to enforce a no-screens policy for my children, who love playing games and watching TV. Channelling my inner relaxed butter mom, I didn’t beat myself up and remembered my own childhood, with a lot of time spent watching TV and videos on repeat. Screen time was not seen as a major problem then, and kids, even 90s kids, liked watching stuff on screens.
Overall, it reminded me to embrace the joy of parenting
Butter moms also reject hustle culture and embrace a slower lifestyle, which aligns more closely with the mythical dream of work-life balance that many of us strive for.
While a social media trend can’t change our socioeconomic circumstances, I tried to stop working and parenting at the same time, especially during the pinch point after school. As I’m self-employed, I’ve tried to take on less work and plan my days to make this possible. I’m still working on this since I work in 2026, not 1996, and sometimes I do often need to answer an email or work message when I’m with my family. But trying to put my laptop away when I could helped me feel less overstimulated.
The charm in this trend really lies in how it offers modern parents a way to reparent ourselves. It taps into the nostalgia of our youth, and gives us a blueprint for soft, kind, and calm parenting, with a reminder to try to let go of some of the pressure we place on ourselves. The butter mom trend reminded me that it’s possible to embrace joy and pleasure in parenting without tipping into toxic positivity.
I’ll keep embracing some elements of butter moms — especially the fashion and trying to be more present. But I also know parenting today is different from how it was 30 years ago. Some things are easier, and some are not — some are just different. I’m sure parents in the 90s had their own worries and weren’t always relaxed — it’s just that we don’t see this in the idealized version of motherhood we’re shown on social media. Remembering that is a lesson worth taking away, in and of itself.
