With all the ongoing rhetoric surrounding where kids do and don’t belong, it feels a bit uncomfortable to admit that I don’t like having other people’s children in my home. Most kids are small, noisy chaos agents that leave a mess in their wake, mine included. And since I already have one wreaking havoc on my home regularly, adding more can feel overwhelming.
Prior to becoming a mom, I spent years working with children. While there were parts of it that I enjoyed, it was also overstimulating, and I was relieved to come home and have kid-free time. Beyond the noise and energy levels, it also felt like a huge responsibility to care for other people’s children and look after their safety and well-being.
Having other children in my home makes me anxious
The toddler years, when I was worrying that my daughter might choke on a too-small toy or too-large grape, are now behind me. But when younger children come into my home, those worries crop up again. Especially because my daughter now has an extensive collection of Legos and other toys with tiny pieces that are annoying, but not potentially dangerous, most of the time.
It’s unnerving going through her things to determine what needs to be hidden away. In the past, I’ve ended up having to leap across the room when something I missed ends up grasped in a toddler’s fist. The responsibility for supervising the other kids always seems to be dumped on me as well, even when other parents are present. And since it is my home, I also feel responsible for making sure everyone stays safe and leaves uninjured.
For my neurodivergent family, home is our safe space
In a lot of ways, our house is my family’s safe space. As a neurodivergent individual who also has an autistic child, we have our house set up for her sensory and other needs. On the rare occasions that we have other children over, there is a scramble to relocate all the items that aren’t age-appropriate or could lead to chaos when used by multiple children, such as her trampoline or sensory toys. And my daughter is very attached to her belongings, so we also have to be careful to put away anything that could get broken and damaged.
Moving and returning items to their places can be exhausting for me and overwhelming for my daughter. So is trying to clean and tidy our home for children who seem to find everything — from eating the goldfish they find under the coffee table to using a bill from the doctor’s office as a coloring page.
Clearing up my doom piles around the house often just results in them being relocated to my bedroom, where I can close the door. And then there’s the cleanup afterward — when the sandbox ends up getting tracked all over the first floor, and there is a collection of rejected food under the dining room table.
It’s all why I try to limit gatherings with kids at our house. While I don’t mind going to other people’s homes, the ideal situation for me is to meet at a neutral location, like a park or museum. That way, I don’t feel responsible for supervising someone else’s children, and no one has to worry about cleanup before or after.
