Since March, my family of five has been living with my parents in their two-story home on the Gold Coast, Australia. The youngest member of our household is our daughter, who is 3, while the oldest is my dad, who is 81.
When people talk about multigenerational living, the conversation usually centers on saving money. But for me, one of the real perks of living with my folks has been watching our three children develop a healthier, more compassionate understanding of what it means to grow old.
In many Western societies, older people often live separately from younger generations. Once they reach a certain age, they’re more likely to move into retirement villages or elder care, meaning grandkids have little day-to-day contact with the realities of aging.
My parents have always hoped to live independently in their own home for as long as possible and to embrace aging with a positive mindset. By moving in with them, our family has become part of that journey.
My children have witnessed the everyday realities of aging
Every morning, my three kids watch Pop put in his “ears and eyes” (his hearing aids and contact lenses). They see how his back is a little stiff in the mornings, and it takes him time to straighten up, usually after some caffeine.
When Nana rolls out of bed, she often jokes about her poor night’s sleep and her wonky bowel. Throughout the day, she discusses her aching legs, and the kids have remarked that she moves more slowly than she once did.
Rather than making aging seem frightening, I think these ordinary moments have helped normalize it. Growing older isn’t something that should be hidden; it’s simply another stage of life, one that we only get to experience if we’re lucky.
Living together has nurtured empathy
When we used to visit my folks on family vacations, I don’t think our kids really registered the age difference between them and their grandparents. To them, Nana and Pop were just two more adoring fans who bought them loads of ice creams and lollies.
But after living together for the past few months, I think our kids have become more empathetic about some of the physical limitations of old age. They know their grandparents need help around the house, and they’re expected to bring in the bins, take out the rubbish, or lend a hand when needed.
Importantly, they’ve learned that every member of a household contributes in different ways, and that caring for each other is part of being a family.
My parents have shown them that getting older doesn’t mean life stops
At 81 and 77, my folks still travel several times a year and are always planning their next trip. My mum’s favorite quote whenever they get back from an adventure is, “Well, that sure beats sitting in a nursing home in a nappy, waiting for the inevitable.”
They’re still curious about the world, meeting new people, and picking up new hobbies. It’s a powerful antidote to the stereotype that aging means sitting in an armchair watching reruns of Mash.
By living with my folks, our kids have seen a different version of how our golden years can look.
We’re having more honest conversations about health and aging
In the past few months, Mum has been diagnosed with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) and Dad with Parkinson’s disease. If we weren’t living together, I probably wouldn’t have told the kids about Nana and Pop being unwell.
However, living under the same roof has meant our children have noticed changes in my parents’ health. They were there the night an ambulance took Mum to the hospital with lung trouble, and they’ve noticed Pop’s slight tremor in his right hand.
As a result, we’ve had to have honest, age-appropriate conversations with the kids about my parents’ health and the road ahead. Those discussions haven’t always been easy, but rather than shielding our children from aging, we’ve helped them understand it with compassion.
One of the greatest gifts of multigenerational living has been the perspective our children have gained. Aging wasn’t something I learned about in a classroom, but rather by spending most afternoons at my grandparents’ house growing up and witnessing it for myself.
It gives me comfort knowing that my children, too, will understand that getting older is a natural part of life, and that the older generation deserves our love, patience, and respect. I believe that particular life lesson is invaluable.
