My parents have a shared bank account and kept all their large purchases in both their names, so I thought sharing an account would be my financial destiny, too, if I ever got married. I didn’t question it until recently. Now, my partner and I are getting married in just a few months, and we don’t plan to combine our finances.
After four years together, we’ve never had any accounts or cards in both of our names. The closest we ever got to that was me using his credit card on a payment app when we were in Vietnam because mine didn’t work. We both contribute to rent and household expenses. We pay back the other person our half of large purchases like flights and hotels, but we don’t keep a tab of who owes who what (a nice change from my previous romantic relationships).
We’ve always been open about money
We were upfront about our income, debt (or lack thereof), and our mutual desire to live below our means from day one. After about three years of dating, we told each other how much we have in savings. We continue to be transparent about money and agree on the vast majority of each other’s purchases — it helps that we’re both very frugal.
We’ve built up trust over the years, and we’ll continue to offer up personal financial information when we want to, knowing we have privacy. Neither of us has the login information for the other’s bank, but we know we can always ask how much the other is earning or spending.
I thought the next step was a shared bank account with two credit cards — I assumed that’s what love and commitment meant in an economic way. We kept asking ourselves how having both our names on one account would improve our lives, and we kept coming up blank. I also didn’t want to waste time filling out paperwork or calling my bank for something I wasn’t even interested in.
Courtesy of Catherine Work
Our system works for us
We’ve lived together for almost four years and never had a fight about money. I have some financial anxiety, and I think having a shared account might actually make that worse. Since my fiancée makes more and pays for more, I regularly check in to see if he’s still OK with that.
We approached our wedding, our first big purchase together, the same way we plan travel — with Excel, conversations, and making sure we stay under budget to cover unexpected costs. My fiancée bought our rings, and I bought our flights (we’re getting married in Denmark). We both agreed to contribute the same amount of money to the wedding. Every payment we make for the big day goes into a spreadsheet, and at the end of all our purchases, if one of us has spent significantly more, the other will make the next large purchase.
Keeping our financial stressors low is also made easier by the fact that we won’t plan to have kids or pets, or make any large purchases like a house or a car. Taking care of our parents is the only thing that might one day impact how we view our financial setup.
Another thing we agreed on from the start was that we wanted a pre-nup. Not sharing a bank account and having a pre-nup might not sound romantic (or like we can’t share) to some, but if anyone were to look at our purchases, they’d immediately see we do spend our money on each other—just with separate accounts intact.
We haven’t fought about money, and I’d like to keep it that way
I know I’m going into a marriage with dignity and respect. My future husband won’t get a notification if I spend over $100, he won’t be able to review a bank statement at the end of the month to see how many ice creams I’ve treated myself to, and we won’t know how much the other person spent on a Christmas present. We’ll never have to ask the other person if we can spend money or fear that our separate emergency funds will be depleted by the other.
My parents shared a bank account, and they often fought over money — one thing I promised myself I’d never do with my future spouse. Keeping our finances separate has worked so far, and I believe it’ll continue to after we’re married. We’re both open to changing our minds one day, but until we have a good reason, we’re very happy having separate accounts, together.
