My husband is Jewish, American, and from New England. I am a first-generation immigrant from Eastern Europe.
I was baptized in Bulgaria and grew up in an Orthodox Christian household, whereas my husband was bar mitzvahed and went to Hebrew school. In other words, we come from completely different cultural and religious backgrounds.
For a long time, I didn’t feel like my in-laws understood my culture — that is, until they came to visit my home country.
Their first trip to Bulgaria, where my husband and I now live, was a turning point in our relationship. I finally felt like they understood who I am and embraced my roots in a new and meaningful way.
When we first started dating, my husband and I experienced culture shock with each other’s families
Gloria Kostadinova
My family speaks Bulgarian at home and eats traditional Balkan food, like moussaka, an eggplant-based dish, and banitza, a cheesy pastry.
During holidays, we play Bulgarian music and my husband gets roped into dancing horo, a traditional folk dance. If you’ve ever seen “My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” you might get the gist.
My husband’s family is more reserved when it comes to their opinions and emotions, and they have a dry, sarcastic sense of humor that took some getting used to.
Dinner with my in-laws feels more formal with nice place settings and seating arrangements — but when it comes to card games, the gloves come off.
Despite our different upbringings, family is a shared core value for us. By starting a family with someone who isn’t Bulgarian and doesn’t speak my mother tongue, I worried I’d lose ties with my roots.
Marrying my husband also meant marrying into his family, so it was important that they embraced my background and heritage, too. Of course, my in-laws had glimpses into my family’s story — but I believe that anecdotes, photos, and souvenirs can’t fully convey the richness of my culture.
Even though they had known me for over a decade, I felt there was always something missing in their understanding of who I am.
Finally, I got the opportunity to share my home country with them
Gloria Kostadinova
In 2020, my husband and I were working remotely and seized an opportunity to move abroad. We’ve lived in Sofia, Bulgaria, ever since.
Those first few years, travel restrictions and visa requirements made it challenging for my in-laws to visit us. They’re not big on travel — they’d only been outside the US twice — so, you can imagine my surprise when they booked a trip to Bulgaria last fall.
I was excited to welcome them and nervous about giving them the best experience possible. My husband and I planned an itinerary that would immerse his parents in Bulgaria’s culture, history, and cuisine.
We balanced comfort with authenticity, keeping Sofia as a home base with two excursions to see other parts of the country. They experienced fine dining in the city, visited Bulgaria’s wine country in the southwest, toured the largest Eastern Orthodox monastery, and spent an afternoon in the historic city of Plovdiv.
My in-laws relied on me to communicate and translate wherever we went. Despite being out of their comfort zones, they remained curious and enthusiastic.
The trip changed our relationship for the better
Gloria Kostadinova
Few experiences test a relationship like travel. In this case, my in-laws’ trip to Bulgaria couldn’t have gone better and only made our relationship stronger.
It was extremely meaningful that my husband’s parents made this journey halfway around the world. They immersed themselves in the culture and gained a deeper understanding of Bulgaria. I felt they finally saw and embraced all of me, and not just bits and pieces.
Now, when my husband and I visit family in the US, my in-laws bring up fun travel memories, and we reminisce about our time together.
Looking around their house, I see evidence of my culture, too — like a ceramic plate they brought back, or a photo of the four of us.
Just as my Bulgarian-American identity gives me unique life experiences, the merging of two cultures has also made our family richer, more compassionate, and understanding.
Above all, it’s brought us together as one family unit.
