Parenting young kids often feels like saying no on repeat.
No, not today. No, that’s enough. No, maybe later.
So for my daughter’s 7th birthday, I decided to try something different. I decided to give her a “Yes day” and say yes to whatever request and desire she had, within resonable boundaries.
I first heard about it years ago, before I became a mom. A good friend told me about an annual tradition in their home called “Kids in charge day,” where her children picked the meals, the outings, and the flow of the day.
At the time, I had questions. What if they ask for something unrealistic? What if it gets out of hand?
She told me something I didn’t fully appreciate then, but that has stayed with me ever since: kids aren’t as impressed with extravagance. What they want is attention, time, and a sense that their voice matters.
We introduced the idea when our daughter was 4, and it quickly became one of her favorite traditions. So this year, we made it her birthday gift, something she already loved, arriving right on time.
I set boundaries, but kept them simple
“Yes” doesn’t mean anything goes. For us, it meant choices that were safe, local, and doable within the day. My daughter didn’t need endles options. She needed the opportuity to make her own choices.
Courtesy of the author
I let her lead, even when it was uncomforable
Her first request was breakfast: a cream cheese bagel. Easy.
Then came her outfit: red heart socks, faded floral print pants, and an old pink shirt. Something I would’ve picked out for play or painting, not a birthday outing.
I almost redirected her, but stopped short. “Is that what you want to wear?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said, beaming. Confidence is built in moments when kids get to trust their own thinking without being corrected.
The small things seemed to matter most
We headed to National Harbor, just outside of D.C., where she planned to build a bear using gift cards she’d been saving.
When we pulled up, I asked if I could grab a coffee before we got started. “Yes!” she shouted, delighted. That moment surprised me. She wasn’t just receiving the yes. She was learning how to give it.
We wandered into a Black-owned bookstore, hand in hand. She picked out a chapter book. Then, just as excitedly, she grabbed a “Gracie’s Corner” book, a series she used to love as a toddler and one I was almost certain she’d outgrown.
I almost said no again. Then I remembered the assignment. “Yes. And yes.”
I enjoyed watching what she did with the freedom
At Build-A-Bear, she made thoughtful choices. She picked the birthday bear that cost as much as her age so she could spend more on accessories, instead of choosing a more expensive plush that would eat into her budget. I’m not surprised though, my girl loves to save a coin.
By midday, it was “yes, yes, yes.” A candy shop stop. A few treats. There was an ice cream counter inside, and after trying a few flavors, she decided on her own to wait until after lunch.
No prompting. No correction. Just her own good judgment. She felt trusted in the moment and rose to the occasion.
I needed to stretch my comfort too
Later, she asked to ride the Capital Wheel. She was ready. I was not.
Her dad had joined us by then, and they walked hand in hand toward the oversized Ferris wheel while I followed a few steps behind, snapping photos. At the ticket booth, my husband asked for three tickets.
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“Wait, Mom, you’re doing this?!” she asked. I took a breath. “Yes.” She squealed.
Sometimes a “Yes Day” isn’t just about your child. It’s about saying yes to yourself, too. To your own confidence and courage. I know my fear of heights is irrational, but in that moment it felt very real. I was, and still am, proud of myself for pushing through.
She reminded me I deserve yeses too
At the nail salon I typically visit solo, she was treated like royalty. Apple juice in a bejeweled glass. Chocolates at checkout. A cascade of bubbles as we left. We stopped next door at a craft store and picked up stickers and bookmarks.
And then, near the end of the day, she surprised me. She asked if we could go to the makeup store to get something for me. I reminded her it was her day, not mine.
“Yes, but I want to share it with you, Mama.”
That night, we ordered cheeseburgers and fries and sat around the table, her legs swinging as she recapped her favorite parts of the day. Proud. Confident. Already just a little bit bigger.
In that moment, my friend’s words came back to me. A “Yes Day” isn’t about indulgence. It’s about intention. It gives your child space to make decisions, feel heard, and trust their voice.
The goal isn’t just to say yes for a day. It’s to raise kids who know how to use their voice for a lifetime.
