Parenting through a pandemic was not part of my plan.
In mid-March 2020, our province shut down all schools, and life as we knew it. My 5-year-old son had just started a new preschool, but now he’d be spending all his time at home with his 2-year-old sister and me.
Between all of the restrictions, we spent most days trapped inside our townhouse.
I was no stranger to solo parenting, but pre-pandemic I had my methods to keep sane — attend a local Moms & Tots group, visit the playground, see our friends for playdates, attend evening book club, use a drop-off program designed for moms to spend time together without kids, and bring the kids to storytime at the library.
I was busy and social, and we were active in our community. These connections made motherhood feel slightly easier. But in the blink of an eye, all of the threads of connection had been severed.
Every day I was by myself with the kids. Just get through today,” I would tell myself. “Just one day at a time.” I managed, I struggled, and it was one of the most difficult seasons of my life.
By summer, I was desperate for a solution.
I turned to my friend and her 12-year-old son for help
Cara Howlett
My husband is the primary earner in our home, and his fledgling business did not allow him to be home more often to help. Hiring a babysitter was also out of the question as we could not afford it.
So to get the help I needed, I had to think outside the box.
My friend homeschooled her kids pre-pandemic, and her eldest was 12. Since he was not required to do online school with his classmates all day like the public schoolers in our town, he had some free time.
I asked his mom if he might be willing to come and play with my kids for a few hours a couple of times a week. She agreed, and he was keen.
She would drop him off at our house, and he would play trains with my son, read books to my daughter, and entertain the kids with whatever they wanted to do for the afternoon. It was great.
While they played, I kept an eye and an ear on their activities. I was still responsible for everything parenting-related — changing diapers, dealing with tantrums, breaking up sharing-related arguments between the kids, and feeding them — but my friend’s son was in charge of the fun.
And while he was at our home, I was able to clean the bathrooms, vacuum the carpets, get some administrative work done, and have a few minutes to myself. Although this wasn’t a complete break from the kids, it was a helpful reprieve, and I could catch my breath.
Whenever I dropped him back off at his house, I’d hand him about $15, or about $5 an hour, too.
The arrangement felt like a win-win for all of us
Cara Howlett
My kids loved having their “big-kid friend” come over, and they’d often ask when he’d be hanging out with them next.
In the end, this arrangement worked for everyone. We were a one-income family, even before the pandemic, and a 12-year-old with extra money in his pocket was one happy pre-teen.
The kids had a break from Mom, and Mom had a chance to get things done. Plus, I’m sure my friend appreciated seeing her son develop a sense of responsibility and being able to spend some time outside his house.
The arrangement ended after about 10 months, as life slowly went back to normal and I regained my footing. However, I still think it’s a great arrangement for stay-at-home parents on a budget who have young children.
I would do it again in a heartbeat. And as my son approaches his pre-teen years, I wonder if he might be a mother’s helper one day, creating a village for another family.
